1."I can't believe I got all the way to work without realizing I was wearing Katelyn's jeans. My co-workers now refer to me as 'the crazy lady who can fit into her teenager's jeans!'"
2."Apparently a photo of me ended up on that 'Hot Dads of Disneyland' Instagram account. So embarrassing — especially all the comments calling me a DILF!"
3."I am so tired of people seeing the crafts I make with Kimani and saying I need to start a blog. Especially since I barely put any effort into making them — they're just fun!"
4."I can't believe I spilled wine all over the papers I need to sign to put Dylan in the gifted program."
5."I am officially broke. Who knew having a nationally ranked junior golfer would be so expensive?"
6."I am so tired of steaming vegetables for Ben. Is it weird he loves eating vegetables that much?"
7."I was late to work because Carly got discovered at the mall by some agent who says she's the cutest kid he's ever seen. I turned him down, of course. I just want Carly to enjoy being a kid, you know?"
8."Just got back from taking Frankenstein, I mean, Pedro, to the pediatrician. He's in the 99th percentile for height! Guess I better make plans to be an NBA parent, ha!"
9."Ouch. My neighbor told me I look 'new parent tired,' but the baby — as always — slept straight through the night without making a peep!"
10."I just ordered a book on potty training and guess what? Timmy potty trained HIMSELF before it even arrived. There goes $19.99."
11."I just got an email from my cousin who says he saw me in the audience at the National Spelling Bee on ESPN and thought I looked like a dweeb. I DO cheer awkwardly, but it's hard not to when your kid wins it all!"
12."FML. I just took Elise to Chuck E. Cheese's only to have her ask why we couldn't go to the library instead. I guess that's what happens when your three-year-old already knows how to read!"
13."My nine-year-old just informed me that I am 'beyond embarrassing' for kissing her dad in the kitchen every morning, but what can I do? We're just still so in love!"
14."Is there a polite way to ask people to stop responding to my Facebook photos with the hashtag 'momgoals?' It is happening entirely too much these days!"
