Where is Jake Wallace now?

All of the answers you've always wanted.

He was once a lowly band kid with unkempt hair.

And no sense of style.

Then he cut his hair, and started wearing only blue plaid shirts.

(and constantly using gun fingers to express his emotions, seeing as he doesn't know how to words.)

He joined the mustache club.

He joined theater.

Then he really joined the mustache club.

He started smoking...

And he never learned how to tie his shoes.

And, yes, his mommy still dresses him.

He studied the finer points of becoming a nun for weeks on end.

His work ethic is astounding!

Here he is shown doing his best work in math class.

And, miraculously, he graduated high school.

Today, he is known for his superior intellect and world knowledge.

Further proof of superior intellect.

He is an active schlemiel.

And he definitely shouldn't have eaten those kids.

Now he is currently running for #HipsterPres2016

Although no one seems to be quite sure what that is.

He is an ass

But we already knew that.

He stared directly at the sun

He buried his best friend

R.I.P. Penguinto. Duct tape could only save you for so long.

He accidentally showered with hat on

He went on his first paranormal investigation

(But didn't see any ghosts)

He joined an MLM

Twice.

He wondered bout mullets

Fun fact: He did get a mullet in middle school. It was short-lived. No photos exist.

Is he Baphomet?

Maybe.