Skip To Content

    15 Gifts The Most Pretentious Person You Know Will Love

    Whether that pretension is literary, gastronomic, or generalized.

    by ,

    We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed and Microsoft may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A book of New York Times crossword puzzles, from the hardest day of the week.

    This one's for alllll the bragging rights.

    Get it from Amazon for $11.38 or Barnes & Noble for $11.72.

    2. A brew your own kombucha jar and brew kit, in case those store-bought microorganisms are a just a little too mainstream.

    Uncommon Goods

    This is a five-liter jar with a filter and tap valve and is designed specifically for brewing kombucha at home.

    Get it from Uncommon Goods for $69.

    3. An AeroPress, AKA the last word in informed coffee brewing.

    Does it look like a penis pump? Sure does. Is it the fastest and easiest way to make an incredible cup of coffee at home? According to over 8,000 Amazon reviewers, absolutely.

    Studies have found that 87% of pretentious people simply will not shut up about coffee. And by "studies" I mean "trust me, I've been to a lot of poetry readings."

    Get it from Amazon for $29.95.

    4. A gift box of three coffee blends from Blue Bottle, a store beloved by coffee snobs and chicory aficionados alike.

    If you're feeling especially generous, you could even spring for a subscription.

    Get a gift box of three six ounce bags from Blue Bottle for $35. Gift subscriptions start at $72 for three months.

    5. Moon Juice Brain Dust because wellness is this year's hottest pretension.

    I cannot confirm that this dust makes you smarter, but I can confirm that Gwyneth Paltrow thinks it does, so...

    Get it from Amazon for $38.

    6. A decanter that will improve the taste of wine and the look of a table.

    If you want to further delight your pretentious loved one, you could ask them to explain to you why wines taste better when aerated.

    Get it from Amazon for $39.95.

    7. A classic lit t-shirt, so they can let the world know they're hella literate.

    These are ideal for wearing in Tinder profile pics, among other things.

    Get t-shirts featuring a variety of book covers from Out of Print Clothing for $28 (available in sizes S–XXL).

    8. A grow-your-own-mushrooms log to get them one step closer to the farm(/log)-to-table dream.

    They're inoculated with spores! Coooooool. (Oh hey, in case you haven't figured it out by now, I am also sort of pretentious.)

    Get a shiitake or oyster mushroom log from Food25 for $30.

    9. A Moby-Dick themed party game, so they can be social with their snobbery.

    It's basically Cards Against Humanity, but instead of humanity it's metaphors.

    Get it from Amazon for $19.95.

    10. A handy little kit with everything you need to turn one of those little airplane booze bottles into a top-notch cocktail.

    First class taste on an Economy Plus budget.

    Get kits to make nine varieties of drinks from Uncommon Goods for $24.

    11. A refillable leather notebook that will make their deep thoughts so much fancier.

    How many countries have you written Kerouac fanfic in?

    Get it from Amazon for $21.95.

    12. An iPhone case that pays homage to the most pretentious pair of TV brothers.

    Perfect for when they hear the blues a-callin' (tossed salads and scrambled eggs).

    Get it from Pidpenky on Society6 for $35.99.

    13. An annotated edition of Ulysses, for a gift that's also a gauntlet.

    Depending on the level of pretension we're dealing with, the annotations could be either a helpful tool or a sick burn! (This is just the annotations, but you can get a Kindle version of the text itself for free.)

    Get it from Amazon for $35.10.

    14. A set of the official whiskey glasses of every distillery in Scotland, for the discerning single-malt sipper.

    I like my alcohol like I like my men: aged in barrels.

    Get a set of four from Amazon for $29.99.

    15. Literary tattoos that are temporary, like their affinity for The Catcher in the Rye.,

    Think of it this way: these might prevent regrettable permanent tattoos down the line.

    Get them from Amazon for $11.01 or from Barnes & Noble for $12.95.

    May all your holidays be high-brow!

    NBC / Via

    Do your holiday shopping with BuzzFeed. Check out all of our gift guides here!

    Allison Krausman / Via BuzzFeed

    Prime Day is here!

    Don’t miss out on the best deals of the year, delivered right to your inbox from the BuzzFeed Shopping newsletter!
    Newsletter signup form