23 Of The Most WTF Things People Have Witnessed At University
There's a lot of shit. Honestly, almost too much.
1. The totally innocent college club:
"The BDSM club – Bible Discussion and Study Meeting. I literally had to go back to make sure I read that correctly. I go to a Christian university and yes, people are THAT innocent. After that, we now have to send all flyers to be reviewed."
—Ariana Coyne, Facebook
2. The clogged drains:
"Our entire dorm was sent an email that read something like: 'Male students, please stop masturbating in the shower. Our community shower drains are being clogged with semen and hair at the detriment to our plumbing.'"
—Jody Barnhardt, Facebook
3. The modern PB sandwich:
"I once went to a lecture and saw a girl walking in with a backpack covered in peanut butter. Imagine a backpack completely smothered in peanut butter. She sat down like everything was normal and just licked her backpack throughout lecture."
4. The bagpipe breakup:
"I once woke up to a drunk bagpiper, in his full uniform (kilt and all) playing a medley of Lady Gaga hits in my apartment complex's parking lot. It was around 4am. He was trying to win back a girl who dumped him."
—Katie Copley, Facebook
5. The new freshman game:
"It was freshman year and I was visiting my best friend in the all-male dorm. Still getting used to the layout, I walked into the wrong room and saw two guys knocking their penises together. They froze and as I ran down the hall they yelled, 'It’s just a game of penis-swords!'"
6. The furry acrobats:
"I was walking in the quad and I saw a tightrope strung between some trees. Then a big group of furries in full fursuits congregated around it, taking turns trying to walk the tightrope."
7. The cleaning threat:
"One weekend, someone got drunk and decided to play with faeces. They smeared it into every nook and cranny, all over the floor, the walls, the mirrors, etc. Administration had a cleaning crew come but basically told us if anything like that happened again, we would be cleaning our own bathroom the rest of the year."
8. The real-life Grinch:
"In the first week of December, I saw a man dressed as Santa Claus sprinting across campus while being chased by a man in a green morph suit wearing a Grinch mask. They were both yelling and screaming about Christmas as they ran. It was so close to finals week, literally no one even turned their heads."
9. The hungry vegetarian:
"Saw a guy grabbing leaves off bushes, then hungrily chowing down on them... to be fair, meal plan is very pricey."
10. The silent pig:
"I was heading down the hall to do some laundry and this guy comes through with a pig wrapped in a blanket and immediately puts his fingers to lips, says 'shhhhh', then just walks off."
11. The strange-tasting ice:
"My flatmate would make ice cubes out of his own piss."
12. The proud animal lover:
"I went to college with a kid who used to openly watch tentacle porn on his laptop while walking to class. No headphones. Full volume."
13. The two-word explanation:
"Some friends and I were apartment hunting, and this guy was showing us his place. He moved this giant cardboard beer advertisement cutout and showed us a giant hole in the living room wall. We all looked at him simultaneously and he just shrugged and explained 'battle axe'."
14. The tiny funeral:
"My college held a funeral for a dead cockroach. They added flowers, gifts, and other stuff every day until finally they made it a tiny coffin and set it on fire. RIP."
15. The duck attack:
"Our campus had a duck pond with about 30 domesticated ducks and a friend got completely shitfaced one night and was convinced the ducks were 'talking shit'. So he charged into the pond and learned that it was 90% shit and that ducks get really angry if you go into their pond. Seeing a guy running at full speed out of a duck pond, sopping wet, and covered in bird shit, being chased by a flock of angry ducks was just another day in college."
16. The Bee Movie lovers:
"At my school, we all woke up one morning to see yellow balloons tied to every table on the quad, along with HUNDREDS of Bee Movie meme posters all over every building on campus. As it turned out, the RAs had done this overnight in an attempt to 'save the bees'."
17. The bloody lasso:
"I once witnessed a girl drunkenly pull out her bloody tampon, swing it over her head rodeo-style, and throw it at another girl’s dorm room door. She immediately passed out on the floor after."
18. The bathroom tree:
19. The new pet transporter:
"I was at a student council meeting and there was a girl on the council with huge, white-girl dreadlocks. I was sitting next to her once and from the pile of dreadlocks on the top of her head emerged her two pet RATS. She apparently carried them everywhere with her, just letting them roam about her hair and clothes."
20. The not-so-motivating elder:
"At the University of Minnesota, someone dressed as Gandalf walks around campus during finals week saying 'You shall not pass!'"
21. The real-life squirrel:
"My college is known for our squirrels. On Halloween, someone dressed in a squirrel costume and threw acorns at people while in a tree for an hour."
22. The Human Centipede paper chain:
"I was headed back to my dorm when I passed our main message board on my floor. On the board someone had taken the time to cut out 25 human figures crouched down and all stapled together Human Centipede-style. They legit even drew a turd on them and a winding digestive tract."
23. And the shitty lift:
"In my dorm building in junior year, someone smeared their own shit all over the inside of the elevator. And I mean ALL OVER. It was on the walls and the floor. I still smell it in my worst nightmares."
Submissions have been edited for length or clarity.