Under David Cameron's leadership, membership of the Tory party has halved according to the website ConservativeHome – from 253,000 when he was elected to around 134,000 now.
As the party's leadership becomes more and more out of touch, they're finding it harder and harder to attract new members: the natural habitat of Tory members is shrinking. Tory members have joined the endangered species list. Here's ten species on the brink of extinction less endangered than the Tories:
1. Hippos.
Lumbering, docile and prone to laze about the sun, there are now over 10,000 fewer Tory party members than the lovable Hippo.
2. Cloven-feathered dove
This beautiful bird is capable of periods of torpor when its body processes slow down. But it always picks back up again.
At 140,000 there's more cloven-feathered doves than Tory party members.
3. Galapagos Sea Iguana
One lives in a location so distant it's in an environment locked in a time warp, the other's a Galapagos Sea Iguana.
With up to 150,000 of these iguanas, they outnumber the Tories by a few thousand.
4. Chimpanzees
Habitat loss is putting the species at risk. Chimpanzees are also facing extinction – but there's still more of them than there are Tory members.
With 150,000 chimps in existence, their tea party is busier than the Tories'.
5. Beluga Whale
We're half way through the list, so here's a musical interlude...
(It would be faster for this band to serenade all Tory members than the 150,000 Beluga whales.)
6. Christmas Shearwater
Found only in remote areas of the world. Remote.
150,000 Christmas Shearwaters > 134,000 Tory members.
7. Marshbuck
Solitary and aloof – just like Tory members would like us to be from Europe.
(We're stretching this pretty thin now, aren't we? But at up to 170,000, these are more common than Tories.)
8. Spectacled Guillemot
There's not many of them, and they prefer to keep themselves to themselves.
Estimates range from 140,000-148,000 for how many are out there. Even at the low end, they're more common than Tories.
9. Herald Petrel
The Herald Petrel is a member of the gadfly family of birds, so not completely unrelated to Tory party members.
There's only so many ways you can say that at 150,000, this endangered species is more common than a Tory.
10. Turquoise Dwarf Gecko
Okay, okay, you get the picture...
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