Why "Drive Angry" Is The Most Underrated Cinematic Masterpiece Of Our Time

Nicolas Cage has returned from Hell, and he wants his granddaughter back from the dad from Twilight.

In 2011, one of Nicolas Cage's finest masterpieces was released. That film is known as "Drive Angry 3D"

The plot of "Drive Angry" is relatively straightforward.

Nicolas Cage has died and gone to Hell. His daughter joined a cult run by the guy who plays the dad in Twilight. She had a baby, but Twilight Dad murdered her and stole it. Nicolas Cage has since BROKE LOOSE FROM HELL to rescue the baby and get revenge on this guy. In the meantime, he is being chased by the police and a guy Satan sent to go get him called "the Accountant." He finds Amber Heard, and they steal a car and chase down the cult and kill the bad guy and Nic Cage has a beer out of his skull THE END.

"Drive Angry" received a shocking 2 stars, which is about 1.5 more stars than you would expect, but 3 stars less than it deserves.

Why, you might ask? Well, l I will tell you.

Here is some REAL DIALOGUE from this film:

The Accountant: You're not the first to get out of Hell, and I doubt you'll be the last, but I have got to know, how did you get out with the God-killer [this huge gun]?

Milton: I just walked in and took it.

The Accountant: Oh. Wouldn't wanna be you when he [Satan] finds out.

Milton: What's he gonna do? Not let me back in?

"WHAT'S HE GONNA DO? NOT LET ME BACK IN?"

*electric guitar screams*

At one point, Nicolas Cage makes love to a naked woman while fully clothed.

"Take off your clothes baby!" "No, I never disrobe before a gunfight."

He then proceeds to shoot about 12 men while not continuing to pay attention to his lady love.

What a gentleman.

Allow me to take a moment to remind all of you that this was a movie that somebody wrote.

And a huge crew made, and millions of dollars were spent, and months of people's lives were dedicated to.

Billy Burke, now a cult leader and...

...no longer concerned about his teenage daughter's involvement with mythological creatures...

is back to be creepy and try to kill Amber Heard a few times. I forget why he even wants this baby. He's going to perform a Satanic ritual try to unleash Hell on Earth anyway.

Amber Heard's character, Piper, and Nicolas Cage are just the best of buddies.

Look at that grin. "Are you covered in blood? Who cares!"

In the end, of course, Nic Cage must return to Hell from whence he came, but not before enjoying a beer out of Billy Burke's skull.

The Accountant takes Nicolas Cage back to Hell in his car, while Meatloaf's "Alive" plays loudly.

Amber Heard keeps the baby and all the traumatic memories.