For The Love Of God, Someone Please Explain Mad Max: Fury Road To Me

Spoiler Alert: The flamethrower guitar is a sexual metaphor.

What in the actual hell is going on in Mad Max: Fury Road?

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"Just appreciate it!" everyone says. "There's no plot!" everyone says. WELL, AS AN EDUCATED ADULT HUMAN WOMAN WHO IS NOT AS HOT AS CHARLIZE THERON I HAVE A NEED TO UNDERSTAND SOME THINGS.

As much as I enjoyed the feminist badassness and explosions, I didn’t understand a lot of Mad Max. I’m someone that cares a lot about backstory and setup for dystopian political worlds and if that doesn’t exist (see: Jupiter Ascending as the ultimate example of this foolishness) I get really distracted trying to figure out what the political structure and relationships are when I should be paying attention to the cars or whatever is more important in this context.

I attempted to ask my 18 year old brother some of my stupid questions in order to appreciate this fine piece of cinema better, and these were the "answers" he gave me.

1. Why is Furiosa the only woman who is like, an Imperator or whatever?

"She's infertile so she was useless for breeding and she was good at it"

Did you just make that up?? Or is that in the movie?

"I think it's in the movie..."

(It's not in the movie.)

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2. Why is Charlize Theron wearing so many belts?

"That's a very valid question."

3. What do the poor people do for water the rest of the time when the waterfall thing isn’t happening?

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"Dehydrate and die I guess? Or use those nighttime water collector things they use on like, Survivor."

4. How was it medically helpful for Max to stab Furiosa in the side? Did he stab her in the lung?

"That's probably why she needed so many belts!"

5. Didn’t Max come from someplace? What happened to his daughter? Why are some of them British?

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"You know there are like, three other Mad Max movies before this starring Mel Gibson, right? That's where he came from."

6. Did the c-section kill Rosie Huntington-Whitley? Or was she already dead?

"Who?"

"Splendid", or whatever. But I refuse to call her anything but Rosie Huntington-Whitley.

"Oh, she was basically dead once she fell off the truck."

7. So ALL the women get used for breeding and milk and ALL the men are warboys? Who are the poor people?

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"Yeah, and Immortan Joe or whatever gets the pretty ones."

8. Why did that one guy need Max’s blood? Because he was sick?

"Maybe he was dehydrated? Or he had those tumors."

That doesn’t make any sense. It seems like they would kill weak ones.

"Yeah but like, they had Max anyway. And we had to see all that exposition about him giving blood so he could save Charlize Theron in the end by stabbing her."

It also seems impractical to put him on the FRONT of your car--

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"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!! IT LOOKS COOL!!"

9. What is the truck full of if they didn't get the stuff? Why didn’t they just detach it when they needed to go faster?

"It had supplies for them in it to start their lives over in the woman-place."

The whole tank??

"Sure. And breast milk."

10. Is Furiosa queen now? How come everyone is happy and not asking questions about this scenario?

"She defeated him fairly in battle! And he was a dick!"

11. So, I heard everything was real. Even the flamethrower guitar?

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"It was real!! Everything was real!"

I can't believe it. What a waste of money. Just men being like YEAHHH FIRE PENIS YEAHHH!!!

"Exactly!"

In Conclusion--

I am aware that there are real answers to these questions. Please educate me. I want to learn. I want to know. Why is this entire movie happening? Why are people on stilts? Why don't I know the characters' names? Are there only three cities? HELP ME INTERNET! I need to know! In the meantime, I will leave you with this.

lookhuman.com