1. Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
3. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
4. “Pickup artists” and “garbagemen” should switch names.
5. Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
6. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
7. I work out religiously - Christmas and Easter.
8. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
9. I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
10. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
11. I went to a zoo the other day. It only had one animal. It was a Shih Tzu.
12. They're selling dead batteries, free of charge.
13. Consonantly, verbal diarrhea is a vowel movement.
14. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
15. Let's face it, puns are unquestionably better with Benedict Cumberbatch. Maybe that's because:
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