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1. A trio of gilding flakes so your Instagram photos — be they mani pics, glamour shots, or snaps of your resin art — are anything but boring. Prepare for an influx of DMs asking where they can buy 'em.
2. And speaking of manis, a dip powder kit that'll help you perfect your at-home manicure and save you money in the long run. The powder dries in just 30 seconds, and reviewers say the color stays chip-free for weeks = plenty of time for the compliments to roll in.
3. A Revlon hot air brush to help you go from wet, tangled, frizzy hair to a shiny, salon-worthy blowout in minutes. FYI *this* is the hot air brush that all the influencers you follow on IG rave about — and now you can be a beauty influencer too.
4. A Home Chef subscription for anyone who wants their Facebook friends to know that they've got this whole adulting totally under control (No one needs to know that Home Chef sent you all the pre-portioned ingredients and that all you did was choose what dinners you wanted delivered for the week.) They also offer ready-made meals in case you just don't have the time, energy, or inclination to cook.
5. A stunning ruffle V-neck one-piece if you're having a Hot Girl Summer™ and you want everyone to know it.
6. A mini inflatable pool because the whole neighborhood needs to know that you're spending this summer relaxing in a pool with a glass of sweet tea.
7. A drill brush kit so your roommates will beg to know your secret after you clean your bathroom in 10 minutes flat while they're still scrubbing by hand two hours later. Just attach the scrubbing brush head, flip the switch on your drill, and watch the dirt go straight down the drain.
8. A box of pore-tightening, skin-lifting face masks that'll make your S.O. do a double-take when you leave the bathroom looking like a different person. You'll look like a zombie once you've applied it, but it's so darn effective at reducing the appearance of wrinkles.
9. A pack of genius fizzing toilet tabs (think a bath bomb but for your toilet) to sanitize the bowl. You housemates will be so excited when you tell them you're cleaning the toilet that you could probably get away with charging them admission to watch.
10. A soap brows kit for anyone who feels personally validated when a stranger approaches them to compliment their makeup (it me!). No one will see your ombre lip behind your mask, but they can see your perfectly feathered soap brows.
11. Or a no-fuss clear eyebrow gel if you'd prefer a simpler method that's still 99.9% guaranteed to get you stopped on the street by someone who wants to know what product you used on your brows.
12. A teeth-whitening pen because it's a heck of a lot quicker (and tastes a lot better) than those irritating whitening strips that slip and slide all over your teeth. Everyone will want to know how you keep your teeth so white despite coffee and red wine being your lifeblood (also me!), but your little secret is just between me, you, and your pearly whites.
13. A cooktop cleaner so your MIL will come to you for cleaning advice. This kit comes with a bottle of cleaner, a sponge, and a scraper — everything you need to make your stove shine.
14. A miniature baking set that'll provide so much content (and so many new subs!) for your tiny food TikTok.
15. A bundle of eucalyptus leaves to transform your bathroom into a 5-star spa. You're gonna get tired of saying, "This cute Etsy shop" every time someone asks you, "OMG where did you get your eucalyptus?"
16. A tequila-infusing kit for anyone who needs to be the hostess with the mostest. Your apartment will be the place to be on Taco Tuesday since you're serving up restaurant-quality cocktails. Each pouch contains dehydrated fruits, herbs, spices, and veggies that inject your alcohol with a delicious and spicy blend of flavor.
17. A cruelty-free lengthening mascara if you want show-stopping, beauty influencer-level lashes in a formula that's lightweight, won't transfer, doesn't smudge, and lasts all day. What more could you ask for?
18. A Glossier cream blush because you unlock a new tier of perks when you learn how to apply blush without looking like a clown, namely that everyone will come to you for beauty advice because you clearly know what you're doing. This blendable, buildable formula gives you a beautiful and natural-looking flush of color. Apply it with your fingers for a stunning glow.
19. A compressive-yet-stretchy two-piece workout set so you can ditch your old leggings and sports bras for a set that's made of a moisture-wicking material. No more suffocating summer runs and outdoor workouts...although you may get stopped so much for outfit deets that IDK how much working out you'll get to do.
20. A plywood iPhone 12 case that'll show off your top-notch style while protecting your phone from your all-too-frequent drops. Strangers on the street won't see your bold lip under your mask, but they will see this in your hand and probably stop you to ask where you got it.
21. A pair of dripping sunglasses to make you want to stage an Instagram photoshoot asap. I'm like 99% sure I'm not cool enough to wear these, but you could totally pull them off.
22. A Sunday brunch-themed candle for anyone who's obsessed with the scent of bergamot, grapefruit, and blood orange (yum!). This'll make your roommate (and maybe your neighbors in 2B) come out of their room to ask you what candle's burning — it smells that good.
23. A snarky gel eye mask if you're trying to let your family or roommates know that now is definitely not the time to bother you.
24. Literally anything from Chunks (like a wave barrette or a claw clip) because it'll instantly upgrade the most boring 'do with a burst of color and the most mind-bending patterns.
25. A rainbow prism suncatcher so your Instagram comments will be flooded with questions from ~fans~ who wanna copy your aesthetic.
26. An incredibly satisfying drain clog remover that'll conquer the hair monster in your shower drain, simultaneously impressing and disgusting you. If you couldn't convince people to pay to watch you clean your toilet, I'm convinced people will pay to watch you unclog your drain.
27. A highly relatable Good Advice Cupcake tote to carry all your crap while ensuring the world knows exactly how you feel.
28. And a humble laundry soap bar for anyone who's looking for a do-it-all cleaner — and by do it all I mean brighten whites, spot-treat stains, clean your makeup brushes, degrease your home, repell bugs (it smells like citronella), lure catfish (yes, reviewers swear by it as fish bait), and make everyone think you're some sort of cleaning wizard.
29. A mattress vacuum if you want to disgust everyone you talk to by showing them photos of what was living in your mattress (and what's probably in theirs too). This loosens dust and dirt lodged in your mattress and sucks it up, catching itty bitty particles.
You whenever someone who could give you attention is nearby:
