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1. A set of spooky pins so you can live your best witchy life without committing to a full costume.
2. A book that'll explain the origins of some very well-known superstitions — like why people use horseshoes to ward off evil and why you should avoid walking under ladders. This way you can learn about all things spoopy without ever leaving the house.
3. A pack of bat wall decals to help you do the bare minimum when it comes to decorating. You just slap these bat boys on the wall? Cool, I can do that.
4. A set of Halloween pillowcases that'll make your couch both spooky and cozy. I'm beat after all that Halloween decorating. Time to take a nap!
5. A V-neck wrap dress so you can reply, "this *is* my costume" when your friends ask what you're wearing for Halloween.
6. A set of scream queen clips so you can skip the hair sprays and temporary dyes.
7. A pack ~dino-mite~ skeleton earrings you'll definitely find ~humerus~. Like I said, minimum effort, maximum Halloween spirit.
8. A cookie cutter set so you can replace the candy you're missing out on by not trick-or-treating with delicious, fresh-baked edible ghosts and witch hats.
9. And a baking pan that'll help you whip up delicious skull-shaped treats. Your guests will be so busy stuffing their faces that they won't even realize you were too lazy to bother decorating the rest of your apartment.
10. A set of ghost pasties so you can cheekily celebrate Halloween without anyone knowing. (Psst! They light up under a blacklight!) Is there an easier way to celebrate Halloween than slapping stickers on your boobs?
11. A mesh cocktail dress for the Halloween enthusiast who wants a costume that they can wear the other 364 days of the year. Doesn't take much effort to find a Halloween costume if it's already in your closet!
12. A Hocus Pocus shirt that'll earn you a spot as the fourth Sanderson sister — no witch hat or wart needed.
13. A surprise Halloween-themed Pusheen plushie to decorate your purse or backpack. You won't know which plush you get until you open the box, which is kinda like when you're trick-or-treating and you hope the next house has the good candy — except this time you won't accidentally end up with the waxy garbage that is candy corn.
14. A pair of skeleton socks so you can keep your toes warm while you binge-watch scary movies with your friends. Trick-or-treating? No, thank you!
15. A deck of Halloween tarot cards, because there's nothing spookier than introspection. Seriously, I would rather be chased by a knife-wielding masked man than pull the devil card, AKA entrapment, and spend the next month wondering how I'm self-sabotaging.
16. A pack of reusable straws so you can show off your Halloween spirit at work without actually having to embarrass yourself by wearing a costume to the office.
17. A Halloween tree you'll want to decorate with weird baubles instead of fighting people at the store for the perfect pumpkin.
18. A Halloween coloring book to decorate your fridge with colorful drawings and simultaneously relieve the stress of this scary season. There's no space in your brain to fret about what you're going to wear to your best friend's costume party when you're trying to decide what color to use next.
19. A spooky cat candle that'll give your apartment *just* the right amount of spooky vibes — especially when the wax melts to reveal a metallic skeleton underneath. *evil cackles*
20. A skull cameo necklace your friends will 100% ooh and ahh over — until they look closely. The best part: they won't even notice you're not wearing a costume.
21. A ~fangtastic~ vampire bat phone case to give your all-black outfit an eerie vibe.
22. An assortment of temporary tattoos that'll scare you parents more than any costume you could pick out — until you tell them they're not real.
23. A mug for anyone who appreciates both memes *and* making as little effort as possible to celebrate Halloween. Nobody: *crickets* Absolutely not one single person: *crickets* Me: You know, Halloween is overpriced, overrated, and basically just a stopover before the best holiday — my birthday!!!
24. A punny pumpkin sticker for anyone who finds the idea of carving a pumpkin — and touching pumpkin guts — downright terrifying.
25. Or, a pack of foam pumpkin stickers so you can still show off your creativity without getting your hands dirty.
I'm just too lazy to properly celebrate, OK? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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