12 Things I Learned When I Asked A Therapist How To Stop Overthinking About Work

"A lot of people feel like they're being productive by worrying."

It's 4 a.m., and your alarm won't go off for hours. But suddenly, you're wide awake, going over your to-do list, or agonizing over something awkward that you said in a meeting. You would love to go back to sleep, but you just can't seem to stop thinking about work. Sound familiar?

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According to a recent Gallup report, workers' daily stress levels reached a record high in 2020, and a report from Indeed earlier this year found that just over half of workers said that they're experiencing burnout. So if your job is taking up more space in your thoughts than it used to, you're definitely not the only one.

To get some expert insights and advice for anyone who can't stop thinking about work, I spoke with Tess Brigham, a therapist and career coach who specializes in helping millennial and Gen Z clients. Here's what we talked about:

1. First, having productive thoughts off the clock can be a good thing, but stressful overthinking tends to increase work-related anxiety.

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"There are times when you are thinking about work and it is helpful; you have perspective and all of that. [Overthinking] is when you're just sort of circling the drain of worries that really you have no control over in that moment of time," Brigham explains. 

For example, if you think about an idea that could improve a project you're working on while you're out running errands, Brigham says that's productive thinking. But on the other hand, if you find yourself fixating on a typo you made in an email as you're trying to get to sleep, Brigham says that's textbook overthinking.

2. Not sure if you're overthinking? Watch out for thoughts that take up a lot of your time and distract you from other things that matter.

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It can be weirdly hard to tell if you're overthinking, especially if you (like me) have a very busy brain that pretty much never shuts up. So how can you tell when your work thoughts are too much? "I think that it's really about when you find yourself constantly lost in thought," Brigham says. "As in, I went over here to do this thing, and now it's five minutes later and I've been stressed out about work or thinking about work." 

She pointed out a few more common signs, too, like having a hard time focusing on other activities or conversations, people telling you that you seem distracted, and noticing that your work thoughts are taking up more and more time.

3. Lots of us tend to overthink our relationships and conversations with other people.

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"Something that a lot of people overthink is odd conversations that they have and interactions with people that felt strange or weird," Brigham says. I was a little surprised, but she points out that anxiety is often about control, and we really can't control what others think or feel about us — no matter how much we overthink.

"I think that it tends to be human nature, if you're not a massive narcissist, to wonder, what did I say that was weird?"

4. And the social aspects of work from home during the pandemic have really ramped up some people's work anxiety.

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"It used to be that the meeting ended, and you would all walk out together, and you'd be able to see people's faces. You got to read body language and all of that," Brigham says. "And now you have these set meanings, and when everyone clicks leave or hang up, you're left alone with wherever it ended. It's very anxiety provoking because there is no way of having those moments of reading body language or connecting with people on that level." 

However, she's very clear that much of the workplace anxiety people have been experiencing throughout the pandemic is nothing new, and it won't magically go away if we all return to the office tomorrow. "What's happened is we entered the pandemic in a state of mind of, 'There are no boundaries. I work all the time.' And so all of these boundaries have been blurred so much that it has created a huge, huge problem."

5. Some people overthink because they actually feel like it's helping them (even though it usually isn't).

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"A lot of people feel like they're being productive by worrying," she explains. "They feel like, well, I need to worry about this, because if I don't worry about it, then what happens if I don't plan out all the different ways this could happen, and I'm unprepared for it? They feel like the worrying helps them stay in control." 

"They do that, and that worry becomes the tool that they use, but it just kind of keeps you stuck in this place of anxiety."

6. Practices like mindfulness and meditation can help you learn to recognize and release anxious thoughts.

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"The underlying thing about both mindfulness and meditation is learning how to notice your thoughts in real time, be able to notice them — not judge them, and let them go without judgment, which is very hard."

"That practice helps you really learn how to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings in real time, which is how you're able to then stop. It's how you're then able to, in the moment, recognize, 'I'm ruminating. I've been ruminating and going in circles about work, or about this particular interaction that I had. This isn't serving me. It's not about me. I have to just let this go,' and then learning to let it go, or finding another way to think about it."

7. If constant off-hours work calls and emails are keeping your head stuck in work mode, try talking to your boss to figure out some new boundaries.

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Brigham explains that bosses and other colleagues might not even realize the effects that night and weekend work messages can have. "What I hear from bosses is, 'Well, I didn't know that so and so was bothered by me emailing them on a Saturday. I didn't want them to respond. They responded.'" So if you don't speak up, your boss might never know how their communication style is affecting you. 

Though it might seem hard or even a little scary, Brigham suggests having a conversation to set expectations and establish boundaries around your personal time. "If you have a boss that is emailing you on Saturdays, ask the question of, 'Hey, I see that you email me on a lot of Saturdays. I've been responding, but I really would like to set some better boundaries with email. Are you expecting me to respond immediately?' Create something with your boss like, 'If I absolutely need to have an answer, I will ping you or I'll text you, but otherwise when I send you an email on the weekends, I am not expecting an answer till Monday.'"

And if you happen to be the boss in this scenario, consider scheduling messages like these to arrive during work hours, even if your reports haven't spoken up about it. They'll likely appreciate it.

8. If work thoughts keep you up at night, write them down in a journal to help you process your feelings and get some shut-eye.

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"Journaling is a great way to deal with anxiety. A lot of times, if I have clients who struggle with sleep, I'll have them journal for five minutes right before bed — do a brain dump of everything, all the thoughts, everything that you are thinking about onto a piece of paper — and they find that they sleep a lot better." 

But she notes that typing up your thoughts is often less therapeutic than actually writing them by hand on a piece of paper. Research has shown that handwriting instead of typing forces our minds to slow down, which can make us more thoughtful and creative. Plus, experts say you'll sleep better if you can cut down on blue light before bed.

9. Writing down your to-do list can be really helpful too. You just might find that your list looks a lot shorter in writing than it sounded in your head.

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"I've had this too where I'm like, 'Oh my god, I have so much to do.' And then you write it down, and you're like, 'Oh, that's three things,'" Brigham says. "In your mind, it feels like a very long list, but really it's because you're circling, circling, circling, circling. And when you put it on paper, there's an endpoint to it."

I 100% related to this, and really took this tip to heart. Since speaking with Brigham, I've started making a to-do list for the next day when I stop working in the evening. If something pops into my head when I'm making dinner or whatever, I just add it to the list. Knowing that my to-dos are written down and won't be forgotten is helping me keep my head a little clearer.

10. Reaching out to colleagues on a social level can also help alleviate some nerves and keep anxious thoughts at bay.

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Brigham says, "I don't see enough people, especially when they start new jobs, just reaching out to people and saying, 'Hey, we work on a lot of stuff together, can we have a virtual coffee, or can we even meet in person? Can we meet for a socially distanced coffee?' Or whatever they feel comfortable doing." Getting to know your coworkers a little better can help you feel more at ease during work.

11. Make some time for yourself each day, and make that time a work-free zone.

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It's easier for work to occupy your mind if you're not giving time to other important parts of your life. To change this, Brigham says, "Morning time needs to be yours. You need to prioritize, you, yourself, so it needs to be the first thing that you do every day. If after work you're like, 'I'm too tired to go on a walk,' then that needs to happen first; it needs to be the first thing. You need to put yourself ahead of everything else." Brigham often recommends mornings because we tend to have less decision-fatigue and more energy earlier in the day.

"If you're not a morning person or it's not feasible for you to do that, what I recommend to a lot of people is look at your week ahead. Look where the meetings are, look what's happening, and say to yourself, 'OK, each of these days I'm going to block out one hour. And that is my hour for me, and I'm going to do what I want to do.'"

12. Finally, don't worry about trying to make a bunch of changes in your life all at once. Instead, focus on one new habit at a time so you don't get discouraged or overwhelmed.

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"It's really hard to change 15 things at once. It takes on average 66 days to change a habit, which means for some people it takes 20 or 30 and other people it takes 120. So, trying to change several habits at once will do you in. Picking one, sticking with it, and getting confidence from that will really help you."

What helps you clear your head after work? Share your favorite tips in the comments.

And for more stories about work and money, check out the rest of our personal finance posts.