"They Thought We Were Being Paranoid": 15 Times Men Were Blissfully Ignorant Of Women's Struggles

    "I once explained it to my partner — no, it isn't 'all men.' But I don't know which men it is, and won't know until it's too late. So I have to act like it's all men most of the time."

    A while back, we shared some stories about men being extremely clueless about women's lives, and members of the BuzzFeed Community shared even more stories in the comments. Here's what they had to say:

    1. "I dated a guy that would grab my ass right in front of my mother and get upset and ask why when I would tell him to stop."


    woman looking shocked

    2. "I get told all the time by men that I’m just being paranoid and a few have even said I should be flattered I’ve had stalkers (three in total) because it means I’m hot. I explain to these idiots that no, it’s not something to be flattered over. It has nothing to do with me or my supposed hotness and everything to do with unhinged creepy entitled men who can be dangerous."


    3. "I had an office full of men all leave early to hit the bars after work and an angry guy came in. I was there alone and terrified and begging them to come back on their cell phones and they didn't understand why me telling him to 'just leave' wasn't working. We had timesheets, not punch outs, so they were literally getting paid to ignore me being in a dangerous situation. Only one guy came back."


    4. "I had one male boss once that was trying to convert me to being a bike commuter like him (year round). I explained that it would be dark on the trails when I left for work in the morning and returned home after work for most of the year and he still didn't understand. He started talking about lights and reflector vests... no idea about my safety concerns."


    people riding bikes at night

    5. "My ex-husband and I had SO MANY arguments about him opening the door to just anyone. One time, I was in the shower, heard voices, and peeped out the bathroom door. He had let a vacuum cleaner salesman into the house and the man was in the BEDROOM sprinkling dirt on the carpet so he could vacuum it up. I was stuck in the bathroom naked for 45 minutes and boy, did my ex get an earful when I got out. It was like he wanted to be home-invaded."


    6. "I'm a teacher for high school juniors and seniors. One day, I was deathly ill and didn't come work, so they had a sub. When I returned, the sub told me that a student said extremely inappropriate things about me. Which was, 'we should make her feel better by going to her [my] house and run a train on her.' Please keep in mind, my class is 90% guys. When I asked one of the students to confirm, he said yes, he was trying to get the whole class to agree with it. It made me extremely uncomfortable."

    "I went to my supervisor, who is male, and he said, 'Oh don't worry, I remember my first time a girl student hit on me.' Which blew my mind. Then when I finally went higher up in admin to get this situation dealt with, they asked me if I made any advances to get the student to speak like that! Seriously?"


    7. "One time I was going to a party with my then boyfriend. He was supposed to pick me up at my place and go from there, but he got busy with work and told me to meet there instead. Okay, no problem except by then it was already dark outside. I did not feel comfortable walking down to the bus stop. I decide to call a car and the guy was a complete creep, asking me a lot of questions, flirting, etc. I tried to call my boyfriend but he did not answer."

    "I finally got to the place and I was (of course) in a bad mood. I then got in an argument with my boyfriend (he was the kind of guy who only liked me if I was happy and perky). I tried to explain the situation, but he could not understand that for me going out after dark was not a spur of the moment thing but a series of stressful decisions. And that's why he is my ex."


    couple arguing

    8. "I have a (mostly) fantastic husband. We had a dog, a german shepherd/grey wolf hybrid, who *absolutely NEEDED* to be walked every day. The only time she could be walked was the evening and I was the only one who would walk her. For the most part, I really enjoyed it, it was nice to get out of the house and away from the kids for a short bit plus I loved the bonding time with her. BUT I had more than a few 'oh fuck' moments so I would ask my husband to please come with. He absolutely refused. I mean, yeah, once in a blue moon he'd come with but 99.99% of the time I was on my own."

    "I had a HORRIFIC incident that was so bad I *couldn't* walk her, I could barely leave the house by myself at all without panic after it happened. A few months after, I was finally just determined to get MY walks back so I basically forced him to come with. 

    Every time I heard a big truck I'd freeze. My heart would pound and I'd start looking for hiding spots or houses that looked occupied. He watched all this!! He saw my terror. He went two or three more times than right back to me by myself. Even the guys down at the plaza up the block from my house, where I walked through every time and shopped at often so they knew me well and are considered friends, would be horrified that he wouldn't come with, that he'd actually let me walk around on my own at night.  

    They would always hand me some type of weapon when I'd come by, pocket knife, pepper spray, even brass knuckles once. One time one of them actually locked up the shop for a bit to walk part of the way with me because there had been a crowd of rowdier homeless folks that would be in my path, earlier that day and he was concerned. My husband? not one fuck given. So ladies, no, having a husband does not equal safety, even if they *are* wonderful in almost every way."


    9. "I once explained it to my partner — no, it isn't 'all men.' But I don't know which men it is, and won't know until it's too late. So I have to act like it's all men most of the time."


    10. "My period once started unexpectedly while my dad and my siblings were at the mall. I was told by my dad that I ruined the day and my brother asked, 'Why didn't you hold it?' Omg! I totally didn't think of that!"


    annoyed woman saying okay sarcastically

    11. "I just very recently was talking to a guy on a dating app and we were talking about getting outside and how refreshing that can be just to get fresh air. And he made the comment that he especially likes to go the park at night because it's just so quiet and peaceful when no one is around and then told me, 'You should try it sometime, it's so nice!' I said, 'Yeah, I can't really do that...' and he was like, 'Oh wow, I never thought of that. I guess maybe you shouldn't.' God what a life to just NEVER think about shit like that. It must be so blissful."


    12. "I had a van that you could open the trunk with the key fob. My husband didn’t understand why I freaked out when we walked out of the store late at night and he opened the trunk long before we were close to it. I tried to get him to understand anyone could have gotten in. It never ever occurred to him to be wary of that and not open doors before you are there."


    13. "At a place I used to work, we had temporary staff coming in. One of them asked a female staff member when she finished her shift, which was after midnight. She, of course, freaked out, and when she reported it to me, my male supervisor didn’t think it was a big thing. I had to escalate it to our female regional manager to get the guy banned."


    woman walking alone at night looks over her shoulder

    14. "Me, my mom, and my sister were at a concert a few weeks ago when a random man out of nowhere comes up to my sister and says, 'Hey, you go to the Planet Fitness in (my town’s name), right?' My sister was so caught of guard that this complete stranger recognized her in a sea full of people at a concert. Just the fact that he had obviously noticed her at the Planet Fitness enough times to recognize her in public and come up and say something. He even tried to talk to her again and GRAB HER ARM while we went to the bathrooms but I got between them and pulled her away."

    "We all thought it was very weird and steered clear of him the rest of the night. We get home from the concert and tell my dad and brother the story and they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever. We try to explain to them that it’s not funny, it’s very creepy and now my sister has to be extra vigilant at the gym in case this guy tries to talk to her again or follow her out to her car or some shit. 

    But no, they thought we were being paranoid and continued to laugh about it. Men will just never understand how differently women have to live in order to be safe."


    15. "I was stalked for months. The man even at one point broke into my apartment right after I got out of the shower. Thank GOD he didn’t do anything, but he could have flat out murdered me. He was bigger than me and I was extremely vulnerable. People say I’m paranoid about safety, but you would be too if you had gone through it."

    "For MONTHS I was so incredibly careful of every possible safety procedure. Had people walk me everywhere and more. Many of my guy friends got annoyed when I asked them to walk me to my car or walk with me through my apartment (we live in the same building) to make sure he wasn’t there. 

    To this day I get terrified when I see his car model from him following me. I still run to my car, I still look behind me way more than I need to. I still worry that he’ll find me even though I live states away. 

    Women NEVER comment on it or if they do they are very nice and reassuring and try to make me feel as safe as they can. So many men though just call me paranoid or delusional. One even called me self centered to think he’d still be interested in stalking me."


    Has something like this ever happened to you? Let's talk about it in the comments.