7 Obsolete Contraptions You Won't Believe We Used

From medical horrors to kitchen gadgets, here are a few thingamabobs we don't see much of anymore.

Wee Alert

thepeoplehistory.com

What do you get when you combine two aluminum foil pads with a horrifying buzzer? A whole lot more guilt when you set it off in the middle of the night by wetting your bed. The Wee Alert guarantees that it's safe and can't shock the user, but somehow I think they're fibbing.

I think that kid should be able to wet his bed and then hide his pyjamas and change his sheets frantically in the morning in peace, thankyouverymuch.

Spermatorrhoeia Ring

phisick.com / Via mentalfloss.com

Back in the days when it was thought that masturabation and nocturnal emissions would cause retardation, doctors invented a horrifying device that made sure you didn't get too happy. While flaccid, the ring would just be uncomfortable, but erect would be another story.

Frankly, I'd rather be startled awake in the middle of the night by the Wee Alert than this hellish device.

Hourglass Egg Boiler

vintagefinder.blogspot.com

Do you need to boil six eggs all at once? Do you need to see how much time is left as close to the eggs as possible? Then this antique egg boiler is for you.

Belt Massager Exercise Machine

luckylosing.com

If you want to lose those pesky pounds but you're too lazy to do anything about it, this belt massager is for you. Essentially, it jiggles about and then that's supposed to vaporize the fat in that area. Or something.

Also, you can still buy these things. Note to everyone: these don't work. If jiggling made things disappear, we'd never be able to enjoy Jello!

Seiko Wrist PC

gizmodo.com

Weird gadgets aren't just for the distant past. Remember the 80s? That decade churned out this monstrosity. If you want to input the time, calculate some figures, and input basic data, you're in luck. If you want to do anything else, too bad. The keyboard is detachable and you can actually port that watch onto an even larger desktop keyboard, so you'd essentially have a bulky computer with a teeny screen (and fashionable leather strap).

Does the Apple Watch have all of that? Didn't think so.

Ice Pet Ice Shaver

thisnext.com / Via huffingtonpost.com

Is normal ice too bulky and ungainly for you? The Ice Pet would shave your ice down, right in the comfort of your own kitchen. Finally.

Floppy Disk

ebaumsworld.com

Back in the dark ages of 15 years ago, data was stored on funny little disks. And now ignorant children only know the floppy disk as the "save button." Wacky!

(Basically I just wanted to share this image.)