Know Your Birthday Rights!

All too often people either don’t understand the full extent of their rights as the Birthday gal or guy (a.k.a Birthday Member) or abuse their privileges – creating an unpleasant experience for all involved. Below is the very official Birthday Charter of Rights and Freedoms it is recommended to reference this Charter prior to each birthday to ensure the best experience for all involved.

Official Charter of Birthday Rights and Freedoms

Via signedmaya.com

CONSTITUTION ACT, 2015

PART I

BIRTHDAY CHARTER OF RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS

Whereas Birthdays are founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of dates of birth and the rule of law:

GUARANTEE OF RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS

MARGINAL NOTE:RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS IN AREAS THAT CELEBRATE BIRTHDAYS

1. The Birthday Charter of Rights and Freedoms guarantees the rights and freedoms set out in its subject only to such reasonable limits prescribed by myself, Maya, as can be demonstrably justified in a free and birthday-filled society.

FUNDAMENTAL FREEDOMS

MARGINAL NOTE:FUNDAMENTAL FREEDOMS

2. Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms:

(a) freedom of a birthday party

(b) freedom of being sung Happy Birthday as well as the freedom to deny the singing of said song

(c) freedom of hiding the actual year of birth after the age of 25

(d) freedom of being a brat* for the 24hr** duration of actual date of birth or the 24hr period that has been designated for Birthday celebrations

* within reason. Should brat behaviour become cruel and hurtful to others enforcement may be taken as outline in Enforcement section (c).

** The Birthday Charter of Rights and Freedoms cannot be enacted for a ‘birthday weekend’, ‘birthday week’ or ‘birthday month’. It is only applicable to the actual 24hr period of celebration that has been agreed upon by the Birthday Member. That’s it.

Should the Birthday Member’s birthday fall on a weekday and would not like to work, calling in sick is acceptable

(e)freedom of consuming alcohol in the form of cocktails, beer and/or spirits from the time of waking until unable to do so further

(f)freedom of being spoiled without having to feel guilty

(g)freedom of participating in whatever activity the Birthday Member feels like doing, regardless of other peoples pre-disposition to said activity

(h)freedom to request* new sexual positions from significant others**

* while requests can be made there are no guarantees of approval from other party

**significant others being defined as: boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, lover, someone you’re casually seeing, a fling, booty call, that person

(i) freedom to abstain from sexual advances from significant others* without guilt

*significant others being defined as: boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, lover, someone you’re casually seeing, a fling, booty call, that person

(j)freedom to consume any and all favourite foods as calories do not count

OFFICIAL COMMUNICATION OF BIRTHDAYS

MARGINAL NOTE:COMMUNICATIONS BY BIRTHDAY MEMBER TO PUBLIC PARTIES

3. Every Birthday Member who is a part of a Nation that celebrates birthdays has the right to communicate with, and to receive communications from, third parties in a number of ways:

(a) Birthday Members are expected to receive communication from immediate family, where applicable, as well as best friends, good friends* and significant others**

*good friends defined as: important extended family and friends who you have interacted within the past 30 days on social media

**significant others in this case defined by someone who you are in a committed relationship with and the other party is aware

(b) Birthday Members must respond to birthday messages through social media in a timely manner, it is acceptable to make a FB status update the next day thanking everyone for the well wishes

(c) Birthday Members may, however it is not recommended, send a message to an ex to remind them what they’ve missed out on and how fabulous the Birthday Member is

(d) If Birthday Members are creating an event for their birthday on FB they must notify participants at least one calendar week prior to said festivities

ENFORCEMENT

MARGINAL NOTE:ENFORCEMENT OF GUARANTEED RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS AS WELL AS LIMITATIONS TO THOSE WHO ABUSE ABOVE RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS

4. Anyone whose rights or freedoms, as guaranteed by this Charter, have been infringed or denied may apply to a court of Maya to obtain such remedy as the court considers appropriate and just in the circumstances:

(a) Restitution to the Birthday Member in the form of another 24hr period may be award

(b) A dollar amount, as deemed appropriate and evaluated by the Court of Maya may be awarded to the Birthday Member

(c) Should the Court of Maya deem that the Birthday Member is throwing a hissy fit punitive damages may be award to Maya, for wasting her fucking precious time