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Here's Everything You Missed On "My Kitchen Rules" This Week

Breaking news: Josh the Seafood King is still a wanker.

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4. Because they are business women, Mell and Cyn made sure to approach every problem very business-y.

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"My pie crust was shit but because I work in an office I know how to solve it." Mate, I work in an office too and I locked myself out of my own apartment last night OK?

5. After reading the menu, Caitie revealed she hadn't eaten even MORE things.

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"I haven't eaten crab before. Or duck. Or bread, or ever tasted water. I am deeply and dangerously dehydrated. Please, help me," she cried, shrivelling up like someone had opened the Ark of the Covenant.

7. Colin visited the business women in the kitchen and they basically told him to get the duck out of their kitchen.

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He was like, "Hey I'm kinda a chef, do you want my opinions?" and the ladies were like "FUCK NO". I guess they're #TeamManu.

8. Because their house was an M. C. Escher painting, the ladies had to sprint to get from the table back to the kitchen. Seriously, most of their episode was them running.

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(This is a "Run Away With Me" joke and if you didn't get it then we need to reevaluate our friendship.)

11. In an attempt to hide the dodgy bits of their dessert, they plated it to absolutely look like a dick. Don't believe me? Here's a thing I made to PROVE IT.

Channel 7 / ME the dick detective

BUT ULTIMATELY their cock-up in the kitchen didn't cost them much, with a final score of 71, they ended up in second place on the leaderboard.

12. Because they were on the bottom of the leaderboard, Lama and Sarah went up against Caitie and Demi in a kitchen HQ showdown. Almost immediately the cousins were back at each other's throats.

13. Caitie and Demi had a really good plan where Caitie would do one job ridiculously slowly and Demi would do... literally everything else.

14. Lama and Sarah struggled through all three rounds and, while plating up their lamb, they were scared they'd get the chop.

15. Because they were cooking from Demi's Greek heritage, Caitie struggled with pronouncing... um... everything.

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To be fair, the girls made a spin on Galaktoboureko, a Greek dessert of semolina custard with a filo crust. And TBH after hearing them say it 100 times I still don't know how to pronounce it.

17. To give me a headache to last 1,000 years, the show brought EVERY COUPLE back for a big kitchen HQ showdown.

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There are two identical heterosexual couples in the group and I cannot tell them apart. One of them needs to wear a hat or something so I can be like "hat guy", or whatever.

19. Seafood King came back with a vengeance, and took aim at happy hipster Court.

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They clashed a little at the end of their round and Seafood King Josh was NOT READY TO LET IT GO. Remember when he never successfully cooked seafood? Same.

20. The Seafood King, forgetting most of the people in the room hadn't seen his pissing competition antics, went NUTS about Court in front of everyone.

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Court and Duncan were at the bottom of their teams, meaning they'd be facing off another team. Josh started shouting about how he couldn't WAIT to see them go home because he is such a MASTER CHEF. It was hella awkward and the business women were SHOOK.

25. The teams had to BBQ a ~family favourite~ for a bunch of beachgoers. Josh was busy trying to stick it in a flounder while the other teams planned their menus.

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OK I just remembered who Damo and Caz are, but who in the hot hell are the other couple?

29. God bless these randoms who are still in the competition???

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At first I was like "did Damo and Caz put on hats?" but then it turned out that Brett and Marie are still in the competition! I didn't have to Google their names because I remembered "Marie as in Married" because the only thing we know about them is they're married!

30. Seafood King's ~gourmet~ hotdogs were shit, and he was like "we made them like that on purpose".

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After the judges said Della and Tully's prawns were great, Josh - who has YET to successfully cook seafood - went on about how if he had cooked seafood they definitely would have won!!! (Probs wouldn't have tho aye.)

31. Sadly the Seafood Knob's tiny hotdogs weren't enough to put him into a cook-off, and heroes Amy and Tyson and heterosexuals Damo and Caz will be facing off next week.

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If Amy and Tyson are kicked out of this competition before Josh I SWEAR TO GOD... I'll probably keep watching anyway. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

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