It's the holiday season and you know what that means: Everyone has opinions about Love Actually!
And you're definitely aware of that ~famous~ scene where Mark admits the worst-kept secret in the history of ever: his love for Juliet.
But we need to talk about this scene because it's not romantic, it's problematic AF.
Starting at the beginning during JULIET'S WEDDING to MARK'S BEST FRIEND PETER, Mark decides to upstage the whole event with a flashmob of "All You Need Is Love".
The next time Mark and Juliet interact, things take a turn: Mark shows Juliet the footage he took of her during the wedding. It's all VERY CLOSE SHOTS of her face.
Which brings us to the night in question. First we see the happily married couple / stalking victims enjoying their lives together as a happily married couple.
OH NO, NOT THIS GUY!!!!!!
Firstly he DEMANDS Juliet lie to her husband, to tell him that Mark is not actually Mark, but a woman named Carol Singers.
Mark then decides to tell Juliet that he believes he will be dating a supermodel next year.
Delusions of grandeur. Classic signs of a sociopath.
Mark continues, "without hope or agenda".
But that's obviously not true, is it? Because a "romantic" gesture on this level comes LOADED with agenda. If Mark didn't have an agenda he wouldn't have spent so long making this IRL PowerPoint presentation.
He then reveals one of the most ridiculous things of the entire "speech".
When the FUCK has Christmas been about honesty? If anything, Christmas is about deceiving children into thinking a reverse-thief is breaking into your house to leave presents for you. OR it's about telling your relatives that yes, Aunt Helen, you ARE happy being single at almost 30, thank you for asking. Christmas has never been about truth-telling, Mark, you double liar!!
Which brings us to the most recognised moment of the entire scene:
BTW that hella romantic line is received like this:
Mark continues, ~without agenda~.
Now, based on the evidence we have collected: Mark is probably jerkin' it to his weird wedding video close-ups he has sitting on his shelf. Therefore we can probably assume he's definitely jerkin' it to that picture of a mummy. His house is some demented masturbatorium, wallpapered with photos of fossilised remains and extreme close-ups of Keira Knightley, where he probably parades around, Norman Bates-style, demanding people call him Carol Singers. This is not romantic behaviour.