Fourteen Reasons Why I Love Rosie Velarde

Valentine's Day is tomorrow and here are fourteen reasons why I love my girlfriend Rosie Velarde. It's February 14th....fourteen....get it!! :)

Matty and Rosie

14. She loves the fact that I cannot possibly wait until the actual day of Valentine's Day to post this because she knows how excited I get for holidays and events. She loves me for me.

13. We're a modern day Bonnie and Clyde....Andersonville's greatest criminals ;).....FLAUDIA!!!

12. We can have entire conversations over drinks as our aliases ("Have to keep Mama and Papa away from INS!")

11. She is a great listener. Mostly because I never shut the fuck up.

10. She is a sleepy bear! She has spent a quarter of our relationship asleep, while I watch and do things she would not be interested in awake...mostly Game of Thrones and Sports.

9. The first words out of her mouth to me were, "Are you British?" It was not love at first sight. Thank god for shitty college bars.

8. We have miraculously manifested sounds of nature out of thin air! Or was that just a song playing in the background....the point is there was no one else there to tell us otherwise! And if you're reading this and thinking "Those two were probably on mind-altering subtances!" You would be right.

7. Even my FEMALE dog Briggsy Boo Klein wants to have sex with her! For real, my dog attempts at least one full blown rape on Rosie almost daily. She even has created a bull-rush strategy from behind when Rosie comes out of the shower. My dog has no penis mind you, mostly because she is a female. She is a confused dog. It's borderline weird. Nope, it is weird.

6. I can tread water much longer than Rosie. That one time when she created a competition scenario in her mother's pool, for which she most likely trained years for specifically, was a fluke.

5. When we black out together, which is rare only because she always blacks out and I never do, we apparently partake in WWE style Royal Rumbles. And I say that in the most non-domestic violence way possible. It's less violent and more like two grown adults acting like retarded monkey-frogs.

4. She loves cheese. And her favorite flavor is Fermunda. And thank god I love Mexican food because her butt smells like your local burrito restaurant. ;)

3. As a child, she created her own television show and song from that show called the "Noodle Dance." It was really just a figment of her imagination that her parents were too afraid to tell her was not real.

2. On our first real date, I got really drunk, told her I loved her (like an insane person), and she actually talked to me again after that night. Phew! Truth is I really just said Olive Juice because I was thirsty and love its' salty taste.

1. She is my best friend and the most beautiful person I know inside and out!