Thank you so much for sending me that link to the Pentatonix "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy." Yes, I have heard of them. Actually, Scott, Mitch, Kirstie, Avi, Kevin and I go waaaay back. I used to sing with them. Well, I should say, they used to sing with me. I was the sixth member of Pentatonix, until they kicked me out for having too much talent!
First, let me set the record straight. The group is not called Pentatonix—It's Hexatonix. Doesn't that sound better? HEXatonix! It's got mystery and drama and is so much catchier than boring old Pentatonix. Pfffftttttttt. But one day, I show up for rehearsal, and they say, "We've been talking, and we think it's better if we part ways." The worst part is that they told me by harmonizing with each other! They harmonized kicking me out of the group and Mitch was totally pitchy, LIKE HE ALWAYS IS.
Ugh, sorry, I know you don't want to hear a rant but do you think I would be sitting here, trying to sell people health insurance over the phone, if I were still in PTX? I DON'T THINK SO! I appreciate you sending me that link. I do. It just hurts. Did you know it was my idea to put a video on YouTube? I CAME UP WITH THAT! I said, "Hey guys, what do you think about making a video and putting it on YouTube?" and then right after me, Kevin was like, "Hey guys, what do you think about making a video and putting it on YouTube?" and everyone was like, "Great idea, Kevin!" You might think that Kevin can only beatbox, but don't be fooled. He can talk and when he talks, he stabs you in back!
Here, check out this Evolution of Beyonce video:
See Scott wearing that backwards hat? THAT'S MY HAT! He told me he lost it and that he would send me money. He never did! If he were to take it off in this video, you'd see I wrote my name inside of it. That's why he won't take the hat off in this video! It makes me so mad. 23 million people think that's his hat and it's actually my hat!
Did they have a reason for kicking me out? Not a good one. They told me they were kicking me out because I was always late. 45 minutes late isn't late! If you're on time, you're early! Everybody says that! They also said I gargle too much. Which is just crazy! You sit next to me all day long and I gargle here. Do you think I gargle too much? Is there such a thing as gargling too much? What's the matter? Why won't you look me in the eyes?
Here is the real nut punch that is me getting the heave-ho from Pentatonix: they told me I can't sing. That's when it all became clear. They were jealous of my talent. What? You want me to sing something for you right now?
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I totally would but I can't right now. My voice is hoarse from selling so much health insurance in this dry air. Can you believe how dry it is in here? But if you still don't believe me, look at "La La Latch" a mash-up of Disclosure, Sam Smith and Naughty Boy.
It's pretty obvious, isn't it? This is about me! They are singing about how they won't listen to me! And they are saying that I have latched on to them and I'm obsessed. Well, the song doesn't say obsessed, but the restraining order they filed does.
I've got to make some more calls. This health insurance doesn't sell itself. I'm happy for them, though. Good for them.
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