1. The first method for estimating a good party is to look at the men at that party. Be wary of douchebags.
2. Men in general judge a party more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because everyone can see but few can test by feeling. Women just want to dance.
3. Where the willingness to dance is great, the difficulties of getting people to dance cannot be great. Nothing kills a party like Radiohead.
4. Never attempt to start a board game using force when you can start a board game using deception.
5. If we must choose between them at a party, it is far safer to be feared than loved. Nobody RSVPs Attending and then doesn't show to someone they fear!
6. He who seeks to play beer pong will always find someone who will allow himself to be played beer pong with.
7. The vulgar crowd is always taken by appearances, and they don't help you clean up afterwards.
8. Of mankind, we may say in general they are fickle, hypocritical, and greedy of pizza.
9. It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out, nor more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to handle, than to decide as a group what to watch on Netflix.
10. Throwing a good party consists of knowing how to distinguish the nature of trouble, and in choosing not to give trouble another shot of tequila.
11. He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to karaoke.
12. A prudent man should always follow in the path trodden by great men and imitate those who are most excellent, so that if he does not get as drunk as they do, at any rate he will be pretty buzzed.
13. Because there are three classes of party people: one which has fun by itself; another which appreciates that others are having fun; and a third which neither has fun nor appreciates that others are having fun; the first is most excellent, the second is good, the third is probably somebody's ex-boyfriend.
14. A man who is used to acting in one way never changes; he must make out with someone in public even when the times, in changing, dictate it to be really tacky.
15. The promise given of queso dip was a necessity of the past: the promise broken is unforgiveable.
16. A partygoer must not have any other object nor any other thought but parties, its institutions, and its discipline; because that is the only activity befitting one who parties.
17. How we party is so different from how we ought to party that he who studies what ought to be done rather than what is done will learn that parties in movies aren't realistic.
18. If a party must be thrown for a man, it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared. And by vengeance, I mean, um, I don't man, I'm super drunk.
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