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The Lineup Of A Summer Music Festival As Guessed By A Mom

"I shouldn't have agreed to this."

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I showed my mom various acts from the 2014 Lollapalooza lineup — including some who I've admittedly never heard of myself — and asked her to identify them to the best of her ability. These were the results of her attempt:

Mom: Are any of them country? Otherwise I'm screwed.

Me: Nope. Good luck!

Mom: OK, is she in a band or is it just her?

Me: Just her.

Mom: Give me the first letter of her name.

Me: "I."

Mom: Irene!

Me: No. Her name's Iggy Azalea.

Mom: Oh, I was gonna say Iggy.


Mom: The other guy's covered up, maybe he'd give me a clue.

Me: He's not even the guy. It's the other guy.

Mom: What does it start with?

Me: "S."

Mom: Steven... Osbourne.


Me: Starts with an "O."

Mom: Second letter?

Me: "OU."

Mom: Oui!

Me: No.

Mom: Couldn't they be French black men?

Me: I mean. Yes.



Mom: Diana Ross. I know it's not her, but she's got the big hair like her.

Me: No.

Mom: Give me an initial.

Me: "L."

Mom: Why aren't any of them Shakira? Is it a band name or a person name?

Me: It's a person name, but a weird name.

Mom: Weirder than Shakira?

Me: Her name is Lorde.

Mom: Ohhh. That's Madonna's daughter.

Me: No.

Mom: Well, he looks like somebody, but I don't know.... Nope. Smoky Robinson, that's who he makes me thinks of.

Me: No.

Mom: You're looking at your mother who knows people from the 70s and 80s.

Me: Yeah. He's Childish Gambino.

Mom: I shouldn't have agreed to this.


Mom: That's him. That's Eminem. Wait, no. I have no clue. What does it start with?

Me: "C."

Mom: Curtis.

Me: Close. It's Calvin Harris.

Mom: Oh.

Mom: Well, his shirt says country. But nope. Don't know them either.

Me: Their band name starts with a "K."

Mom: K'Band!

Me: What does that even mean?

(Kings of Leon.)


Mom: Triumph!

Me: No. That would be too easy.

Mom: What does it start with?

Me: "A."

Mom: Angle.

Me: No.

(Arctic Monkeys.)

Me: Starts with a "Z."

Mom: Ziggy.

Me: No. He is Zedd.

Mom: Stop laughing.


Mom: I don't know. And this is country. Never seen any of them in my life.

Me: Starts with an A.

Mom: The Angels.

Me: Nope. The Avett Brothers.

Mom: Nope.

Me: Starts with an "F."

Mom: Frickin' Don't Know.

Me: Close. They're Foster The People.


Mom: Oh, Lord have mercy. Um. Pass.

Me: It's a year.

Mom: 1977.

Me: Close, they're The 1975.

Mom: For real? Put that down as I guessed it. I was close.

Mom: Oh, she looks familiar. But her heads tilted, so I can't tell.

Me: Starts with a "B."

Mom: BiBi.

Me: Nope. She's Betty Who.

Mom: I remember seeing something like BiBi. Don't laugh.


Mom: Oh my.

Me: Starts with a "C."

Mom: Challenge.

Me: No. They're called Cage the Elephant.

Mom: Oh, yeah. I knew that.

Mom: What does her shirt say?

Me: "Hug me, I'm Paki."

Mom: Hug me, I'm who?

Me: Paki.

Mom: Packing?

Me: No. Just... It starts with a "K."

Mom: The King Sisters.

Me: Nope. They're called Krewella.

Mom: Eminem!

Me: Congratulations.