21 Signs Your Furby Is Trying To Kill You

It’s time we admit all Furbys want blood.

1. First of all, Furby comes with a WARNING with a SKULL AND BONES. “NEVER TREAT FURBY THE WRONG WAY. FURBYS CAN BE UNPREDICTABLE.”

2. Right away, Furby develops an uncanny attachment to you. He wants to understand you.

3. But Furby seems pretty cool at first. He shares your interests. He lures you into friendship.

4. Then he starts making demands.

5. He pretends to be sick so you take care of him.

6. Furby’s eyes never leave you.

7. Furby begins watching you from illicit places, whispering to himself.

8. Animals begin behaving strange around Furby.

 

9. HE STARTS APPEARING OUT OF NOWHERE.

 

10. Furby starts experimenting with substances.

11. His addictions grow, and you are somehow involved and responsible.

12. Furby’s behavior grows erratic. His words are slurring. He’s unstable.

13. His addictions graduate to harder substances. He stops listening to your warnings. He’s developed his own language, independent from yours, and no longer communicates with you.

14. His behavior becomes uncontrollable. His hunger for a wild life is untamed.

15. Attempts to destruct Furby are fruitless.

16. Attempts to stop Furby only make him stronger.

17. Somewhere in the world, Furby God grows stronger and wills your Furby — your friend — to perform unspeakable things.

18. Furby becomes a fervent follower of the Furby God.

19. Furby threatens you with a sharp weapon, pushing you down the stairs and staring into your fearful eyes.

21. FURBY WILL KILL.

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