1. ATTENTION PEOPLE OF THE WORLD:
2. Cristinao Ronaldo, renowned soccer hunk, underwear model, and angelic Portuguese beauty, unveiled this giant and majestic picture of himself in underwear in Madrid today.
3. And it’s, like, REALLY big.
4. Like, 16 meters big. FIFTY-TWO FEET. Big enough to create a giant tent out of, under which you could live forever in peace and happiness.
5. And it is a beautiful and magnificent work of art that belongs in the history books because it is so heavenly.
6. It’s so big, his abs alone are probably like 25 feet long.
7. And his hips are like 20 feet long.
8. As evidence, I submit this closeup picture of real life Cristiano beneath his poster penis making a very happy face because he knows he’s now part of history.
9. And also this very detailed close-up of Cristiano’s chiseled abs.
10. And this very detailed picture of him standing next to his thigh hairs.
11. And a very important scale comparison between real life Cristiano in the corner and Godly Cristiano’s thighs.