Here's What Happens When I, A Grown Man Of Sound Mind, Attend A One Direction Concert At 7 A.M.
One Direction went on Good Morning America and I got up at 3:30 a.m. to see them. Because Harry Styles' thighs aren't gonna ogle themselves.
Hi. I'm Matt. I'm 25 years old, a working professional, and by all accounts, a fully grown, functioning adult man. Also I happen to love the British man-band One Direction.
To put my love into perspective, if I had children, I would willingly and gladly sacrifice my eldest and strongest for the chance to sit on One Direction's collective lap for only 10 seconds. (I'd give all my imaginary kids away for a full 60 seconds. And I'd sell the additional rights to my future imaginary children for a minute and a half of lap contact. One Direction, if you're reading this, I have the paperwork drawn up.)