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1. Commit to change.
2. Be honest about yourself...
...and your needs.
3. Update your wardrobe.
4. Intensify your fitness regimen.
5. Perfect your angles.
6. But also keep it classy.
7. Now sell yourself!
8. Play up your strengths: You know how to feel all the feels...
9. ...flirt in a foreign language...
10. ...play ball...
11. ...and flaunt your best features.
12. Just remember to always use protection...
13. ...and stay vigilant.
14. And, like, don't rule out idle threats...
15. ...or Girl-On-Fire-ing yourself.
16. It never hurts to mix things up in, say, a cooking class...
17. ...or on a segway...
18. ...or with a kick-ass costume.
19. And don't hesitate to phone a friend...
20. ...find a gay...
21. ...or just Skype it in.
22. Because if all else fails, you can always get hip...
23. ...and return to the one thing that will always love you back.
Hartz out.
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