29 Captain Holt Moments That Prove He’s The Best Part Of "Brooklyn Nine-Nine," And Possibly TV In General


    Captain Raymond Holt (aka Velvet Thunder, for that one episode) is the jewel in the crown that is Brooklyn Nine-Nine. The man hates metaphors, loves corgis, and would do anything to protect his squad (especially his surrogate son, Detective Jake Peralta).

    Here are 29 of Captain Holt's finest (and funniest) moments from his time as TV's most literal and lovable father figure.

    1. When he played the gay card better than it has ever been played before.

    Holt plays the gay card to get out of riding Diaz's motorcycle while she's in prison

    2. When Cheddar the corgi was kidnapped and Holt went on a John Wick–style rampage to get vengeance for his fluffy boy.

    Holt tells the kidnapper that they need an umbrella, because there's a shitstorm gonna rain down on you

    3. When he saw through the bullshit.

    Holt watching a dog show and saying that "bold personality" is code for "bitch"

    4. When Holt neutralized a situation through the sheer power of dance.

    A street dancer asks if Holt's going to arrest him for dancing, to which Holt replies "you call that dancing?" and starts dancing himself

    5. When Rosa told Holt that his and his husband Kevin's fight wasn't really about a math problem.

    Holt freaks out after Diaz tells him that he and his husband need to have sex

    6. When he immediately knew that his new assistant was trying to seduce him through the cunning use of knots.

    Holt says a single Windsor is the easiest knot to undo, and asks why his new assistant bothered wearing any clothes at all

    7. When he correctly guessed why Amy was late to work and celebrated with uncharacteristic glee.

    Holt says, "I'd like to play. I'd say she's in line at the bank. This is fun." Amy confirms that she was at the bank, and Holt yells HOT DAMN

    8. Whenever he goes undercover as one of the straights.

    A security guard tells Holt, "It just seems like you want to be with Jamie-Lynn; you keep talking about her thigh gap." Holt replies, that's my favorite part of a woman. There is nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis

    9. When he was one step ahead of Amy and Jake in their Halloween heist preparations.

    Holt, sitting in Jake and Amy's bedroom, confirms he ate the eggs Jake prepared in the night

    10. When he was stung by Cheddar's defection to Terry's side in the heist.

    Holt causes Cheddar a duplicitous bitch

    11. When he let Rosa know that things would get better after she came out to her parents as bisexual, and her mother had a hard time accepting it.

    Holt tells Rosa that every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place

    12. When Jake tried to lie about why he accidentally called Holt "Dad," and the captain teased him but also confirmed that he was cool with it.

    Holt asks Jake if he wants to have a talk about the incident over a game of catch later

    13. When he purchased some novelty T-shirts at a low point in his life but still managed to maintain some dignity.

    Holt wears a shirt with a pineapple that says slut underneath it

    14. When he tried out a new look and didn't *quite* pull it off.

    15. When he made it clear that Cheddar wouldn't compromise his fashion sense.

    Holt says, "Please. When it comes to clothes, Cheddar wears little booties in the snow, or Cheddar wears nothing"

    16. When he embraced code names, to Jake's delight.

    Holt says "From now on, call me velvet thunder" to which Jake replies "okay"

    17. When the squad tried to guess how Holt would react to trying his first "marshed mallow," and Charles's impression was shockingly accurate.

    Holt giggles like Charles guessed he would while eating a marshmallow

    18. When Amy's request for lunch briefly transformed him into a poet.

    Holt says, "Huh. Meat, from the street. Sounds like a fun treat. Ha, I'm a poet, and I didn't even know I was rhyming those words, but it happened anyway"

    19. When he was surprisingly enthusiastic about Jake sliding across the newly waxed precinct floor and straight into him.

    Holt declares Jake victor over the full bullpen

    20. When he just knew that Rosa would appreciate a good balloon arch as much as he did.

    Rosa says she loves the balloon arch Holt made, and he screams "vindication!"

    21. When he refused to play along with Jake's ridiculous fake backstory...until it was just what he needed to solve a case.

    Holt declares that his wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater

    22. When he tormented Jake with a choice piece of gossip he knew he could never repeat.

    Holt shows Peralta pictures of him hula hooping, then deletes it

    23. Whenever he got an opportunity to tell his nemesis Madeline Wuntch just how much he despised her.

    Holt: Captain Wuntch! Good to see you. But if you're here...who's guarding Hades?"

    24. When Terry called a meeting to announce Wuntch's death, and Holt assumed that it was about something else entirely.

    Holt talks about how he thinks Wuntch is a Korean toilet ghost

    25. When he was asked to plan Wuntch's memorial service and used it as a canvas on which to paint his final insult.

    Holt says they may need to make some tweaks to his decorations, and then a sign with an unattractive picture of Wuntch that says SHE'S DEAD

    26. When he tried to make Rosa feel better about being in prison by saying her name over and over and over again.

    Holt says Rosa over and over again to combat the dehumanizing nature of prison

    27. When he got vulnerable and confessed how he felt around his husband Kevin's academic colleagues.

    Holt says he feels like Kevin's working class bimbo

    28. When he got a little intense about keeping Kevin safe after his life was threatened.

    Holt tells Kevin to come in here and take his bullet when Jake says his protective measures are too extreme

    29. And finally: When he and Terry danced to distract Amy from the fact that she was giving birth in a police precinct.

    Holt and Terry dance to Salt n Pepa's push it to distract Amy

    What's your favorite Captain Holt moment? Tell us about them in the comments!