1. This unexpected college requirement:
Whoa slow down there, babe
2. This surprise pun:
"anong gusto mong gawin ko?" "jack ma dick"
3. The newest beauty trend:
Hello @LazadaPH r u ok?
4. Plot twist:
Grindr guy: "Versa here. Gusto mo ng tirahan?" Me: "Basta bungalow at malayo sa West Valley Fault."
5. Plot twist too:
"Bro tikman mo tong cake na gawa ni mama" "Ikaw nalang tikman ko bro tutal gawa ka rin naman ng mama mo" "Bro" "Bro"
6. Branding:
Bakit yung title sa sex tapes nyo kelangan may branding? Like "chupaan with Savemore guy" or "CarFun with Jollibee… https://t.co/WNwHVykEsZ
7. As seen on TV?
May nagbebenta ng Gel na pampalaki daw kay Junjun. Sabi ko patingin muna ng Junjun mo kung totoo ngang nagpapalaki.… https://t.co/70K4vevacL
8. What's in your pants?
cosmo sex tip #32: slide her hand into ur pants. when she says, "wow ur dick is so hard" reply "that's not my dick that's a malignant tumor"
9. Third wheel:
Yung feeling mo malalandi mo yung may jowa pero bes solid sila:
10. *hiya*
*sa mercury drug* me: ate may strepsils po kayo? ate: yung para sa deep throat? me: what ate: me: ate: what
11. Ang kulit mo!
me: may nipple tape po kayo?????????? ate watsons employee: para saan po???????????? pota para sa pepe ate isasara ko lang
12. Sabaw.
Shuta po ng pharmacist ng mercury. Sabi ko pabili ng fern-c. Binigay sakin condom. Pahiya ako dami tao. Shuta talaga.
13. *giggles*
Pwede ba 'to sa diet ko? 🍆
14. Ano ba?!!
My friends are getting married or pregnant. PUTANGINA NIYONG LAHAT ILAN NABA INAANAK KO THIS YEAR GRABE NAMAN YANG MGA PEKPEK NIYO HA.
15. Pati history medyo bastos:
Koya isang daang chupa nga hahahahahaha
16. Krissy naman eh!
Yung alter friend mo na puro booking nalang ang ginagawa 🙃
17. Not sure if yummy...
*netflix & chill* "hey do you have some chips"
18. Gutom ka pa?
Oh wow uhm yeah so ehem sausage rolls
19. Luhod!
Baklang friend 1: i need sex. Baklang friend 2: bakla ur body is a temple Bakla 1: yes, and everyone can visit and pay homage on their knees
20. What?
Guy: May keps ka na ba Me:
21. HAHAHAHA:
Mom: *nanonood ng Working Beks* *Gay sex scene goes on* Mom: Baka matulad ka dyan! Me, *internally*: HAHAHAHA I'VE DONE WORSE
22. This savage dad:
Me: Di nalang ako mag aanak Dad: Sa libog mo niyan taon taon ka mag kakaanak Me: lol enge milk money
23. This timely advice:
Pag harutan, harutan lang. Don't subo!
24. Seriously, listen:
If you already know that someday he will make suko, don't subo. A friendly reminder
25. So before you answer that booty call:
The only advice I need