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20 Things An English Major Would Understand

Verbose? Check! Strong analysis skills? Double-check! A job? Eh...

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20. Date Nights are Nerdy / Via Google Images

While others are out partying, for English majors, date nights at a library or bookstore are fun (and sexy). Nothing says excitement like drinking lattes while discussing Orlando: A Biography with your love while getting turned on.

19. Speaking of Latte... / Via AllMyRoads

You are on a first-name basis with your local coffee shop's barista, and she knows what you want as soon as you walk in the door. Something has to keep you going during those all-nighters and lectures!

18. You Can Handle Pressure Well / Via Huffington Post

Nothing screams "intense!" more than reading five full novels and writing two 15-page essays all in one night. Better yet, do it and pass all your exams and earn A's on the essays. Easy-peasy!

17. No One Understands Your Literary References

Did you read something hysterical in that Spenser piece? What about that one line from Dr. Faustus that cracks you up every time? If you discuss it with your non-English major friends, watch them as they back away slowly.

15. InterLibrary Loan Causes Needless Stress... / Via Wikia

If your university or local library does not have that obscure book your professor says you absolutely need to complete your research project, relying on ILLiad is a must! But, if that book is located in Thailand and you need it ASAP, coronaries are a normal side effect.

13. The Same Book is Read in a Number of Classes

Okay, you get it: The main character wants to be called Ishmael, and Ahab is obsessed with leg-eating sperm whales. How many times do you have to read this? As many times as the curriculum calls for it in your American literature courses. You really will discover how much of a dick Moby is.

10. Everything Must Have a Deeper Meaning! / Via Google Images

No. No, it doesn't, but you think it does. Books, movies, and TV shows are no longer safe from analysis, especially since these skills are pounded into your head for four years or more, if you go to graduate school.

9. Pseudo-Intellectuals Dominate Discussion

They use a ton of words while saying nothing. They are in a lot of classes, and they're the ones that demand the most attention until you say something that challenges them, then you get more head-spinning doubletalk.

8. Some Instructors Hold Grudges / Via Google Images

Your instructor has you read her favorite book or watch her favorite movie for a review paper. While you like the story, you think the characters could use more development and you say so. The instructor scribbles "unacceptable and inappropriate" across the paper when she reads about the characters after she praises the content initially. Then, you find the instructor will never treat you the same again.

*Based on a true story*

7. Your Favorite Instructor's Office Becomes Your New Home

So what if your family barely gets to see you? You want to learn! You want to understand everything in the text! You want to absorb knowledge from your professor and make that knowledge your bitch! It's part of the game, but...

6. ...You Develop an Intellectual Crush on Your Instructor

Some may see it as a legitimate "I love you and want your babies!" crush, but you really know it's his or her smarts you are head-over-heels in love with because you hope to someday be that awesome.

5. You Analyze a Bunch of Old Literature and Wonder Why

You discover a different interpretation for "Desiree's Baby" and excitedly share your findings for your interpretation essay. You receive the graded essay only to see comments saying how wrong you are and the author really meant X. What's the point of analyzing literature when someone already decides a previous interpretation is the one and only acceptable truth?

2. Sometimes Your Instructors Will Have an Existential Crisis

One day, your creative writing instructor will look up from his book, look at you and your classmates and tell you he never wanted to teach writing: He wanted to teach history. Then he will say he feels dread and wants to hop in his car and keep driving. You feel confused until you realize something:

1. One Day, That Crisis Will Hit You

You graduate all starry-eyed with your shiny new degree. You want to head into publishing, become a writer, or become an aspiring professor! Then you find out thousands of others are vying for those jobs, too. Then you question why you wanted an English degree anyway.

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