20. Date Nights are Nerdy
While others are out partying, for English majors, date nights at a library or bookstore are fun (and sexy). Nothing says excitement like drinking lattes while discussing Orlando: A Biography with your love while getting turned on.
17. No One Understands Your Literary References
Did you read something hysterical in that Spenser piece? What about that one line from Dr. Faustus that cracks you up every time? If you discuss it with your non-English major friends, watch them as they back away slowly.
15. InterLibrary Loan Causes Needless Stress…
If your university or local library does not have that obscure book your professor says you absolutely need to complete your research project, relying on ILLiad is a must! But, if that book is located in Thailand and you need it ASAP, coronaries are a normal side effect.
13. The Same Book is Read in a Number of Classes
Okay, you get it: The main character wants to be called Ishmael, and Ahab is obsessed with leg-eating sperm whales. How many times do you have to read this? As many times as the curriculum calls for it in your American literature courses. You really will discover how much of a dick Moby is.
10. Everything Must Have a Deeper Meaning!
No. No, it doesn’t, but you think it does. Books, movies, and TV shows are no longer safe from analysis, especially since these skills are pounded into your head for four years or more, if you go to graduate school.
8. Some Instructors Hold Grudges
Your instructor has you read her favorite book or watch her favorite movie for a review paper. While you like the story, you think the characters could use more development and you say so. The instructor scribbles “unacceptable and inappropriate” across the paper when she reads about the characters after she praises the content initially. Then, you find the instructor will never treat you the same again.
*Based on a true story*
7. Your Favorite Instructor’s Office Becomes Your New Home
So what if your family barely gets to see you? You want to learn! You want to understand everything in the text! You want to absorb knowledge from your professor and make that knowledge your bitch! It’s part of the game, but…
5. You Analyze a Bunch of Old Literature and Wonder Why
You discover a different interpretation for “Desiree’s Baby” and excitedly share your findings for your interpretation essay. You receive the graded essay only to see comments saying how wrong you are and the author really meant X. What’s the point of analyzing literature when someone already decides a previous interpretation is the one and only acceptable truth?
2. Sometimes Your Instructors Will Have an Existential Crisis
One day, your creative writing instructor will look up from his book, look at you and your classmates and tell you he never wanted to teach writing: He wanted to teach history. Then he will say he feels dread and wants to hop in his car and keep driving. You feel confused until you realize something:
1. One Day, That Crisis Will Hit You
You graduate all starry-eyed with your shiny new degree. You want to head into publishing, become a writer, or become an aspiring professor! Then you find out thousands of others are vying for those jobs, too. Then you question why you wanted an English degree anyway.
- More than 700 refugees and migrants are feared dead following three shipwrecks in the Mediterranean Sea.
- Dozens were arrested at a Trump rally in San Diego as protesters clashed with supporters. Trump thanked police for "handling the thugs."
- The World Health Organization has dismissed calls to postpone or cancel this summer's Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro because of the Zika virus.