1. Women are too weak to get out of abusive relationships.
Domestic abuse is an extremely serious issue that many times leaves victims severely injured or even dead. People in domestically abusive relationships usually try to keep the abuse a secret. However, when you are on a reality show it is nearly impossible to keep anything secret. Multiple housewives have admitted to being abused, yet none have taken significant action to stop the abuse. Take Vicki, for example, from "The Real Housewives of Orange County," she began dating a man named Brooks almost immediately after divorcing her previous husband. At the reunion show an audio recording of Brooks threatening to beat Vicki and her daughter surfaced. The whole cast was rattled and one of the housewives was so disturbed that she had to excuse herself. What is most troubling, however, is Vicki's reaction. She immediately became defensive of Brooks, the perpetrator of her abuse. She claimed that the abuse was "not an everyday thing" and that she did not want people to "bash Brooks" (The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion, Part 3.) Vicki never once admitted that what he did was wrong. Instead, she came up with excuses for him and flaunted the positive aspects of their relationship. Another example, is Taylor Armstrong from "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." In one episode, Taylor admits that her husband, Russell, is physically violent towards her. Despite this, in the next episode Russell and Taylor appear together as a couple and there is seemingly no resolution to the problem. When this comes up at the reunion show Taylor blames her economic situation for why she is still with him. Unable to provide financial support for herself and her daughter, she puts up with the abuse. So the show goes on, broadcasting Taylor in a luxurious home, going on extravagant shopping sprees and upscale vacations all which are are financially backed by a man who has blatant disregard for her humanity.
The reality for most victims of domestic abuse is much less attractive than what Vicki and Taylor portray on "The Real Housewives." Some of the struggles that these victims face are explained by Tricia Orzeck in her piece "The Effects of Traumatic and Abusive Relationships." Orzeck conducted studies on victims of physical, emotional, psychological and sexual domestic abuse and saw the profound effect that the abuse had on them. Victims frequently experienced mental illness through internalized anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts/attempts. Some turned to substance abuse and eating disorders as a means to cope. Low self esteem and difficulty establishing intimate relationships were some of the other side effects noted. These findings clearly prove that domestic abuse has serious, non- romantic implications for its victims. Society as a whole should be actively trying to eliminate domestic violence.
Perhaps one way society could help victims would be to portray empowered domestic abuse survivors on TV. Unfortunately, "The Real Housewives" fail to fill this role. Vicki and Taylor show the world a glorified version of abusive relationships. On various occasions Vicki and Taylor speak highly of their abuser expressing devotion and love for him despite how poorly these partners treat them. To make matters worse, the magnitude of what it is to be domestically abused is trivialized because the women discuss getting their jaw broken at the hands of their partner in between catty arguments and fashion shows. This romanticized and normalized portrayal of domestic abuse on TV has perilous effects on audiences, especially young ones. Fox news interviewed Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist, on this topic and he said, "Young people look at reality stars as role models so continual airing of all of this can be very dangerous" (McKay, 1.) Whether or not the housewives choose to acknowledge it, their actions have a reverberating impact on viewers and they have a moral responsibility to make that impact as positive as possible.
2. Women are incapable of supporting each other and all they do is fight and gossip.
Without gossip, "The Real Housewives" would be remarkably boring. The plot line of every season revolves around women speaking negatively about each other and being highly critical of one another. Many times the drama portrayed stems from rumors or jealousy, as was the case with Kenya and Porsha from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." One would think that being the two newest housewives on the show Kenya and Porsha might form a comradery. This was not the case. Instead of supporting each other, they did whatever it took to take the other down (in housewives terms this basically means to bully someone.) After gossiping behind each others backs for the whole season, their rivalry culminated at the reunion show. Kenya brought a megaphone along with her to the taping and used it to verbally attack Porsha, this in turn provoked Porsha to physically assault Kenya. The whole ordeal was chaotic and rather disturbing to watch. That said, this reunion episode is the most watched "Real Housewives" episode to date. More than 3 million people took time out of their lives to watch two grown women bash each other. Consciously or unconsciously, watching women treat each other this way negatively affects the way women as a whole are perceived.
In her book "Gossip and Gender," Marianne Kartzow further investigates the relationship between women's talk being labeled as gossip and women's position in society. She says, "These 'patriarchal minds' observed women talking together… and labeled them gossipers, and through that they trivialized women's talk and their lives and/or left them out of what later constituted the sources or building blocks as human history was constructed." Kartzow shows that there are lasting implications of labelling women's interactions as "gossipping." The word "gossip" diminishes female conversation as irrelevant fodder and makes it seems as though genuine friendships among women do not exist.
"The Real Housewives" should use their platform to express positive female friendships and non- gossipping opinions, but unfortunately they do not. Thankfully, there are celebrities like Taylor Swift who strongly oppose the female vs female stereotype ingrained in American media and pop culture. In an interview with the Huffington Post, she expresses frustration at the many media outlets that try to pit women against each other. Throughout her career, she has made a point of celebrating the successes of other female artists instead of expressing jealousy. Society would be better off if more women followed Taylor's example and built each other up instead of tearing each other down.
3. Men are naturally better professionals than women.
If you don't consider prancing around on private jets, brunching with friends, and spending hours getting hair and makeup done a career, then most of "The Real Housewives," are unemployed. There are exceptions to this, but the majority of these women rely on their husbands for financial sustainment. Many times they express gratitude at not having to work and are satisfied spending their days spending someone else's money. However, not all are as easily fulfilled. Take Lizzie or Heather, for example, from "The Real Housewives of Orange County." Lizzie wants to pursue a career as a swimsuit designer and Heather has aspirations to be an actress. While both women have been offered career opportunities in their chosen fields, one major component is holding them back: the responsibilities they have as home makers. Due to the total lack of support they receive from their husbands, Lizzie and Heather must undertake all of the responsibilities that come with running a home by themselves in addition to pursuing career prospects. When Lizzie and Heather ask their husbands for help with simple things like driving the kids to school, their spouses evince extreme annoyance and borderline anger. Heather's husband literally says "kill me" (The Real Housewives of Orange County A Star Is Reborn?) when she asks him to watch the kids so that she can go to an audition. Lizzie says of her husband, "Christian thinks I should be putting the dinner on the table and fully everything with the kids and I should run the company" (The Real Housewives of Orange County Making Woo-Hoo-py!) The expectation that these husbands have for their wives to shoulder all the responsibilities of a household without any help makes it very difficult for the women to devote the time and energy needed to have a successful career.
Lizzie and Heather express irritation at their husbands lack of support but neither actually stands up for themselves in a meaningful way. It would be beneficial to have a TV show depict women taking a stand against the unfair division of household labor since it is an injustice that occurs in many homes across the country and severely limits the professional successes of women. In his paper "Measuring the Division of Household Labor," Sampson Blair shows just how unbalanced the division of housework is between men and women. His studies found that "wives perform over 96% of the cooking, 92% of the dishwashing… 94% of the bed making, and 94% of the diapering of children" (Blair, 93.) The previously mentioned household tasks are time sensitive and require women to be home at certain hours of the day. This directly limits how devoted a woman can be to her career. Contrastingly, the chores most commonly done by men, such as, mowing the lawn can be completed at almost any time, leaving men free to put in more hours at work. Assuming that there is a positive correlation between how much time a person dedicates to their career and how successful it is, men have a clear advantage. Perhaps a more sensible approach to assigning household chores would be to give the person with less professional obligations more of the housework. While this approach is enacted for men who work a lot, this is not the case for equally as busy women. For women with demanding careers, "increases in labor market hours translate into only a small reduction in family work, and the amount of time devoted to child-care tasks remains unchanged" (Blair, 93.) With so much being demanded of women at home, it is no wonder why they hold less leadership, professional and political positions. Sheryl Sandberg stresses the importance of having a supportive spouse in her Ted Talk on women leaders. She tells women to, "make your partner a real partner." Sheryl understands that a supportive spouse makes a huge difference in women's careers. She prompts women to resist the current system and demand help at home. The housewives had the opportunity to do this and set a positive example for women, but instead they submitted to the current gender stereotypes. We need TV shows to portray familial systems that allow both men and women to have successful professional careers while maintaining a thriving home environment.
4. It is acceptable for rich men to cheat.
Trust is a major component in inter- human relationships. It can take years of devotion to fully establish a trusting relationship, yet only moments of impulsivity to breach that trust. Infidelity is an issue that couples across the country deal with. Sometimes, infidelity causes a couple to end the relationship. Other times, couples seek ways to forgive and move forward. Caroline and Teresa from "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" enact the more forgiveful approach when dealing with their unfaithful husbands. Caroline and Al have been married for over 32 years and have 3 children together. On the show Caroline is known for her voice of wisdom and she even wrote a book with tips on how to raise a family. That is why her opinion on infidelity is so shocking. On a reunion episode Caroline said she would not be surprised if she found out her husband cheated on her at some point during their marriage. Usually a strong willed woman, she dismisses his supposed cheating with surprising passivity saying, "He's a good man. But he's a man. If your husband is a good guy and a provider… you can't throw away your marriage over a one- night stand" (The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion, Part 2.) She emphasizes the great life that Al has provided for her when talking about him having a one night stand. This creates an immoral connection between financial disposal and sexual fidelity. Teresa from "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" expresses sentiments similar to those of Caroline when dealing with infidelity in her own marriage. Joe, Teresa's husband, was caught on camera having a sexually driven phone conversation with someone other than Teresa. At the reunion show when Joe and Teresa are asked about the phone call, Teresa coyly smiles while Joe tells the host "by the way thanks for showing that episode, that thing cost me a lot of money." He further explains, "I had to go back and forth to the jewelry store. She's got the earrings, she's got the ring" (The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion, Part 2.) Teresa then points to her jewelry and gives her husband a kiss. The topic is dropped and the show moves on. Just like that, a severely incriminating phone call is simply dismissed by expensive jewels. Joe literally buys his wife's forgiveness. This money fixes problems approach is also seen in the music industry. In his song, "Watcha Say," Jason Derulo is asking a girl to forgive him for cheating on her. The lyrics for why he thinks he should be forgiven are as follows: "when I become a star we'll be living so large ill do anything for you." He is basically saying that the girl should forgive him because one day he will be rich and if she stays with him they will "live large." Once again we see the bogus idea that infidelity can be made right through the use of money.
Contrastingly to what Jason Derulo and these housewives portray, successfully moving past romantic indiscretion is actually a very multi- dimensional, complicated process for most couples. In his piece, "An Integrative Approach to Treating Infidelity" Douglas Snyder lists the emotional and psychological side effects of cheating. Depression, PTSD and acute anxiety are among the many issues people deal with as a result of infidelity. Douglas presents a method for how to treat infidelity but acknowledges that it is a straining process in which couples need to engage in difficult conversations and express emotional vulnerability. He stresses the importance of seeking professional help through couples therapy. Even so, confronting life post- indiscretion with the help of a therapist does not guarantee any easy fixing. In fact, Douglas says that many therapists "regard extramarital affairs as among the most difficult conflicts to treat" (Snyder, 300.) Douglas' study does not include giving money and buying gifts as means to effectively deal with cheating partners. By making it seem like forgiveness for cheating is something that can be bought, Teresa and Caroline brush over a huge issue that is in reality much more complicated. The housewives miss the opportunity to exhibit healthy ways to heal a relationship broken by cheating, or how a woman can successfully leave a cheating partner.
5. The value of a woman is in how she looks.
The objectification of women is unfortunately not an uncommon theme in American pop culture. We see it in commercials, movies, magazines and in "The Real Housewives." Across all seasons and cities, the housewives express a heightened concern for their physical appearance and most have engaged in some form of beauty enhancing medical procedure. While sometimes it's funny to watch them fret over fashion, hair, makeup etc. the phenomena is too widespread and has too serious of consequences to be brushed off as simply amusing. Take Kristen, for example, from "The Real housewives of New York." Her introductory tagline shown at the beginning of every episode is "I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but I'm pretty" (The Real Housewives of New York Season 6.) In a matter of seconds she empties herself of any intellectual value and makes herself a doll, an object, something that is only "pretty." Although Kristen's idea of herself is certainly influenced by external forces, the resulting objectification is self- inflicted. It makes it difficult to criticize others for objectifying women when they themselves flauntingly self- objectify. This speaks to a horrifying problem with female self- perception. Another form of objectification frequently seen on "The Real Housewives" is projected by husbands onto their wives. For example, Tamra from "The Real Housewives of Orange County," seeks her husband's opinion on which outfit she should wear to a party. He negatively responds to the various options saying things like "it looks like something a 20 year old would year" and "not something a 30 year old woman like you should wear" (The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 5 Finale,) thereby prompting Tamra to wear something more conservative. They essentially are playing a grown up version of dress up in which she is the doll. The concern with female appearance is a common theme among househusbands. The husbands frequently bring up the wives' looks either as a compliment or as an insult. In "The Real housewives of New Jersey" Teresa's husband calls Melissa (another housewife) a "horse" on various occasions asking "is the horsey going to be there" (The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 4 Reunion, Part 2.) In another instance a husband says his favorite quality about his wife is "her face, I mean look at that" (The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 9 Reunion, Part 1.) These comments make it seem like what men value most in women is physical beauty. This idea that physical beauty is the best quality a woman can have is perpetuated by all forms of media. For example Kate Upton's commercial for Hardee's portrays a highly sexualized Upton eating a burger in different sexual positions while moaning. The commercial lasts 56 seconds and Upton does not speak once yet the viewer sees almost every part of her body. This repeated objectification of women has serious and vast consequences.
The documentary "Miss Representation" argues that the highly sexualized portrayal of women in media is largely to blame for gender inequality in America. It shows how far behind the United States is in terms of women having equal representation in politics and in the professional world. If young girls are constantly being told and shown that being physically beautiful is the only things that matters, then they are less likely to envision themselves in intellectually and creatively challenging fields.
In her piece, "Active Women in Ads," Alison Poe explores the repeated objectification of women on TV. She says that media perpetuates female oppressive gender stereotypes by constantly supporting the idea that: "women do not make important decisions or do important things..women are dependent upon men and are isolated from their own sex; and...men regard women as sex objects and are not interested in women as people" (Poe, 185.) By continuously showing women in these highly objectified, oppressed roles, the media degrades women. The Housewives are a diverse group who represent different races, body types and personalities. They should use their platform to empower female viewers and stop the perpetuation of harmful gender stereotypes. Instead, they preoccupy themselves with how they look and marry men who treat them as objects. We need female role models to set the example that women have much more to offer than just a beautiful aesthetic.
6. The ideal career for a girl is in the beauty industry.
From the moment they are born little girls are praised for their physical appearance. This type of praise makes parents, especially mothers, feel proud of their baby girl. They proceed to enroll their daughters in ballet, acting, and modelling programs before the child can even consent to engage in such activities. We see this on "The Real Housewives" with Teresa and Yolanda. Teresa avidly pursues a modelling career for her 3 year old daughter who is actually quite annoyed by the act of modelling. Gia, Teresa's daughter, expresses a desire to play rather than keep a straight face for the camera. Despite this, Teresa is set on the idea that her precious daughter is the next supermodel. She literally says "Gia is destined to be a star" (The Real Housewives of New Jersey Mama Knows Best.) Teresa takes Gia to countless auditions and castings. While Gia may enjoy the glamorous aspects, the whole pursuit is mainly driven by her mother's desire to make her daughter a model. Another example is Yolanda from "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." Yolanda signed her daughter, Gigi, to a modelling agency when she was three years old. Flash forward 14 years and we see Yolanda visiting Gigi on set of one of her photoshoots. Yolanda is highly critical of Gigi's appearance and tells the makeup artist "would you round Gigi's eyes a little bit on the sides... because of her high eyebrows...it makes her look chinese really quick" (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God.) This obsession with her daughter's appearance is also shown when she tells Gigi, "You got to get back on your diet though because you know in Paris and Milan they like the girls just a tad on the skinny side" (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God.) It's quite sickening to see a mother put such intense pressure on her young daughter. Perhaps if Teresa and Yolanda stopped pushing their daughters towards superficially based careers, Gia and Gigi would feel compelled to explore different, more creatively stimulating passions and activities.
It is important to look at the forces that are encouraging mothers to push their daughters into such beauty focused careers. In her paper, "Discipline of the catwalk Gender, power and uncertainty in fashion modeling," Ashley Mears takes an in depth look at the difference between how modeling is publicly perceived and what modeling is actually like. Mears says that modeling is a career with "low pay, low-skill and no formal education requirements, no benefits" but that the main appeal of it is that it offers high social status. She specifically says, "modeling is regarded as very attractive work… In American society, modeling is glorified as a glamorous and prestigious career for young women" (Mears, 436.) In a Ted Talk, Cameron Russell, a model herself, knocks down the idea that modelling is all luxurious travelling and celebrity friends. She stresses how superficial her career is and how physically insecure it makes her. In response to young girls wanting to be models Cameron says "Why? You could be anything."
It's important that young girls explore that "anything" instead of seeking fulfillment in an industry that is entirely superficial. Mothers should encourage their daughters to pursue intellectually challenging, morally fulfilling careers. In a slam poem titled "Pretty" Katie Makkai demonstrates a more positive approach to raising a daughter. She says her future daughter will be "pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing." It would be refreshing to see the housewives take a similar approach to parenting. Not only for the benefit of their actual daughters, but also for the millions of young girls watching them on TV.
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