Dear Diploma,
Hi.
Hi there.
Forgive me I'm new at this, so bare with me as I try to navigate these very fresh feelings that are coursing through the veins of my body.
I'm actually not completely sure why I'm writing to you... besides the obvious fact that you are an inanimate object, that surely will not be writing back.
Perhaps it's this sweltering Florida heat humidifying my parents' place (that's miraculously "not hot enough" for the AC) aiding to my restlessness.
Maybe it's the fact I have four hours left to myself before I *cries* have to get ready to go *cries again* outside.
or–
OR–
maybe it's the notion that I have just recently received what feels like the umpteenth email letting me know that I am "Unfortunately not wanted", or something of equal apathy, hidden by insulting sympathy.
For shits and giggles, let's go ahead and say it's the latter causing my unease.
And for queaths and guffaws, let's go ahead and post said email for the world to see:
Now I'm stuck here, wondering if this is some kind of a sick sadistic game in which master tells me I can use the front door, when we both know I'm meant to come through the back.
This is the best "fuck you" imaginable: there is no way to respond back to it.
THIS BITCH LITERALLY SAYS "NO-REPLY" IN THE EMAIL ADDRESS.
You just gotta sit there, staring at the screen, and take it.
And I would be fine with it.
I'M SERIOUS. I would totally let this one go; I understand not everyone will appreciate my talents. I know how to dust and pick myself up....
But it's just one too many; I gotta say somethin':
For the sake of sounding like a complete and self-entitled douche-lord (LOL to Khloe K when she was still funny), I'm not use to this kind of rejection. AND BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME AND SWIPE LEFT - here me out:
All our lives we grow up with the idea "if you work hard, you can achieve anything." "Work hard and you will succeed."
"The world is yours for the taking."
Bull. Shit.
I call supreme, deluxe, meat-lovers' bullshit.
What kind of fucked up logic is this– teaching kids that they are somehow invincible, like the everyday judgement we experience in our lives doesn't apply to them.
And believe it or not, we kids actually eat that mess up. We believe in it; it's so much easier to believe you all, with your smiling faces. And jobs.
Flash forward 10 years, post-bachelor's degree, and I'm crying in my bedroom, dreams shattered, with Dr. Seuss lying right to my face.
WHERE DA FUCK AM I GONNA GO DOC? NO ONE WANTS ME.
And even after 16 years of schooling, I am still so utterly unprepared for this life lesson:
"It. Is all. A lie."
People who work hard don't always succeed.
The world IS NOT just yours for the taking.
And OH! the places you will go– all in your hometown, once you've moved back in with the fam.
I know I too am partly to blame.
I should have stopped believing in such nonsense years ago; what other childhood beliefs haven't already been rejected?
* Imaginary friends? Society rejected them.
* Santa? Science rejected him.
* Love? You rejected it.
* Faith in humanity?
But what's truly sad is that, even after ALLLLLLLLL this, even after writing this mess, guess what I'm gonna go do?
Try. The freak. Again– like my insanity compels me to.
Why, you might so rightfully ask:
Because so long as there are breathing believing bitches out there– lining up to snatch a job away from me– I am your humble happy hypocrite.
I know I'm blessed. I know I've already achieved a lot, and I should be thankful for a lot. And I am.
But is it so wrong to want to wake every morning, happy with a career I will most likely have for the rest of my life? Is that really, like really too much to ask?
They say "find what you love, then let it kill you."
I would love to find a job– but, I'm not tryna die.
Not yet.
Sincerely Yours,
Another Sucker
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