Why You Shouldn't Ask Me To Play Candy Crush With You

Don't do it. Just don't.

1.

ctworkingmoms.com

So I've been getting a couple requests from people to play "Candy Crush Saga" with them. This hasn't really happened since my Mom was playing Farmville, so I'm a little perplexed by it.

2.

First, this game is terrible. I played Bejeweled when I was eight years old one time, and stopped because i thought I was too old for that shit.

3.

Second, you play the game alone sitting on the couch, with your phone 8 inches from your face while you wait for your Hot Pocket to cook. What are you inviting me to do? Sit next to you and do the same thing?

4.

What even makes you think I would want to play this game? Do I seem masochistic? Is this some sort of elaborate joke? I would rather do nothing at all than play Candy Crush. The fact that I would rather write this horrible Buzzfeed post than play Candy Crush might just show you how much I don't want to play that game.

5.

King, the publisher of Candy Crush, also sucks and I hate them. They tried to trademark the term "Candy" which doesn't even make sense. What are they protecting that they didn't steal in the first place? And they want you to pay them money to play their terrible ripoff game. It's like stabbing yourself with a fork, and then paying someone to give you a fork they stole from you. And then stabbing yourself with both forks. This metaphor might not actually be that accurate.

6.

I don't want to play Candy Crush. Don't ask me to play it. Don't invite me to play other Facebook games. There a waste of time and I have better things to do