1. So, people around you are out there finding true love...
2. They're absolutely committed to swiping their way to happily ever after.
3. But you’re just very "meh" about the whole thing. You are your own special someone.
4. There are SO many wonderful people in the world, why do you need to spend your time trying to find "the one"?
5. You just have other priorities in your life, you don't even know where a relationship would fit in.
6. You’re much more “you” when you’re flying solo, without a care in the world.
7. Once someone even begins to hint that they want a relationship with you, hives break out all over your body.
8. And thinking about any past relationships you've had makes you feel a bit queasy.
9. All the physical stuff was a delight of course.
10. But you don’t have to miss out on that because you're single, you stride with pride. 💃💃💃
11. You also much prefer sleeping in a bed by yourself.
12. You can hog all the duvet, and ALL the space.
13. And snore to your heart's content.
14. And when you wake up, you don’t have to make breakfast for anyone but yourself.
15. Sharing food is your absolute pet peeve; if it happens on a date it’s an absolute deal breaker.
16. Speaking of dealbreakers, you're extremely picky, and it might be your brain protecting yourself from a relationship.
17. Of course, you're not so picky about food, because food never makes you do anything you don't want to do, food doesn't try to change you. Food is the perfect partner.
18. Also food won't throw the L-word at you. Once someone told you they loved you, and you almost died.
19. Out of politeness you sort of mumbled it back, and then you had to go wash your mouth out.
20. You're aware that the friend zone is a sexist myth, but if there were such a place, you'd probably set up base there. You bloody love friendships.
21. Because in friendships the boundaries are set, there's no sexual tension, no sad breakups.
Everyone should just remain friends at all times, nothing more, nothing less.