Struggles That Only Girls Who Like Girls Will Understand

girls who like girls--yes, we exist. please stop asking why we don't always like guys. we don't have some deep, dark, secret grudge against the male race. we just...don't always like them.

"So are you like...a LESBIAN????"

Excuse me. First of all, why are you saying that like it's a swear word or something? Second of all, what I do with my mouth/coochie/fingers isn't really much of your business. THIRDLY, not all girls who like girls are automatically lesbians. Some of them are, and it's awesome. Other girls are bisexual or pansexual and that's awesome too. Girls who like girls are really awesome. The word "lesbian" isn't a secret or a slur--it's just kind of who some of us are. We're not ashamed of it, just like how straight people aren't ashamed of being straight. It's just something we can't change.

"How do two girls...you know...DO IT??"

Really well, thanks. I don't understand how girl/girl sex is so difficult for straight people to understand. Like, do you not know how to actually give your partner an orgasm or something? Are you okay, straight people? Are your sexual lives, if you choose to have one, doing well? Having sex with another girl is literally the easiest thing. There's only two things you have to do: 1, listen to your partner and make sure it's good for her, 2 CLIP YOUR NAILS.

"If there's no GUY involved, how do you know when you're done?"

WE DON'T. WE DON'T KNOW WHEN IT'S DONE. WE DON'T STOP. WE JUST KEEP HAVING SEX OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN NONSTOP. INFINITELY. I'VE GOT LOCKJAW AND CARPEL TUNNEL. BUT WE CAN'T STOP. WE DON'T KNOW HOW. WE'RE DYING OF EXHAUSTION AND DEHYDRATION AND INTENSE PHYSICAL PLEASURE. THE SEX IS SO CONSTANT AND MINDBLOWING THAT OUR MINDS HAVE BLOWN UP SO MANY TIMES THAT I THINK WE'RE ALL TRAPPED IN A WHOLE OTHER DIMENSION. PLEASE HELP US.

"So does that mean you HATE men??"

Fuck. You caught us. Yes. Our biological lack of attraction to the fleshy, crusty dinosaur that we call the penis all stems from our feminist agenda. The pussy's out of the bag. The gig is up. We can't love women and get along with men at the same time. Oh wait. We CAN. SIKE! YOU THOUGHT GOLD STAR LESBIANS WERE THE ONLY GIRLS WHO LIKED GIRLS. Not all girls who like girls like girls EXCLUSIVELY, you feel me?

And even the people who do like girls exclusively don't sign some sort of contrast saying that they'll loathe men for all eternity. Actually, lesbians and men tend to get along; we like the same gender, which open things up for small talk.

"Why don't you like guys?"

Wieners. Dicks. Metaphorical dicks, and literal ones. We don't want the D, plain and simple. Some of us do, some of us don't. Some of us like the D, but not the dude attached to it. No harm, bruh. We're just not into that.

"What happened that made you not straight?"

Oh, honey. OH. HONEY. Here's the thing that straight people don't seem to understand, even though it's really simple. Say it with me now, nice and slow: NOTHING HAPPENED. MY GENETIC CODE HAPPENED. BIOLOGY HAPPENED. THE COMBINED BEAUTY THAT IS TEEGAN AND SARAH HAPPENED. SOME OF US JUST HAPPEN TO NOT LIKE GUYS. LIKE HOW YOU, A STRAIGHT PERSON, JUST HAPPEN TO NOT LIKE THE SAME GENDER. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU THAT MADE YOU NOT QUEER.

"You don't LOOK like a lesbian!"

And you don't look like a little bitch but here we are. True fact: the way people present themselves actually has nothing to do with sexual/romantic orientation. They dress in what makes them feel comfortable. If that's a dress, cool. If it's plaid, cool. If it's sequins during the day, maybe NOT so cool, but you get the picture. Telling them someone they don't have the "lesbian look" is like going up to someone and being like "WOW, you TOTALLY don't look like the kind of person who likes strawberry ice cream!!!!" Like I'm sorry, is there a special way I'm supposed to look instead of, I don't know, myself? And again: not every girl who likes girls is automatically a lesbian. We've gone over this.

"Would you ever go back?"

Back? BACK???? Back to WHAT??? The Future? ("Men...? Where we're going, we don't NEED...men.") If you're asking if any of us would "switch" to dudes, the answer kind of depends. If you're talking to a lesbian, the answer isn't just going to be "no" but "nah". To lesbians, guys are like paintings in an art gallery; they're nice to look at, and you can appreciate them, and someone would probably spend a lot of money/energy to have one decorating their bedroom--but not us. They're kind of just okay. Like really trippy modern art: we kind of get them, like we get the appeal, but we're not exactly into it. However, again. Friendly reminder. For the thousandth time. Not all girls who like girls like girls exclusively. Some girls who like girls also like guys. Amazing how nature works.

"I kind of want to...EXPERIMENT with other girls."

Excuse? Excuse???? That's great and all that you want to explore your sexuality but--bitch. BITCH. I ain't no lab rat. If you're looking for a quick hookup in the name of science, good luck on your search. I mean that sincerely. Explore your body and have (safe, consensual) fun. But the last thing you want to say to a girl who likes girls is that you'd like to date/sleep with her just as a test for yourself. Please, if you're feeling curious, ask us QUESTIONS. Or if you think you might want to ACTUALLY be a girl who dates a girl who likes girls, just ask her out like a normal human being, because that's all we are. Normal people just like you.

"You don't mind if I change in front of you, do you? I mean, we're both girls so it's nothing we haven't seen before."

Uh...yes, madam, please disrobe yourself in my presence. I am totally cool with that. See this? This is me not minding one tiny bit. (But also, to be respectful and keep both our dignities, I won't look--no matter how difficult it is--unless you tell me you want me to, which would be unexpected and weird, but kind of awesome)

The feeling you get when you finally find something with lesbian representation

FINALLY! LESBIANS! IN THE MOVIES! ON TELEVISION! VICTORY!

Falling in love with a girl who's probably straight (and is your best friend)

I love you in every way possible and it kills me to watch you get your heart broken by guy after guy, but there's nothing I can do so I'll just hold you for a while...

Looking around and realizing that you're surrounded by straight people

WHY HATH MY QUEER SISTERS ABANDONED ME WITH THESE BASICS.