THE SAGA BEGINS
"Why? They look fairly harmless, tbh" - you, right now. Poor, naive you.
Before we get to the climax (cue Usher), let's just take a minute to introduce evidence showing that raccoons, in their full glory, are terrifying rabie inducing rodents WHO WILL FILET YOUR CALVES WITH THEIR SHARP TERRIFYING TEETH AT ANY MOMENT
*DONT SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU*
Okay, okay, you get the point. We can all agree now that raccoons are nightmarish, furry balls of anger that shouldn't be f*%@ed with, AMIRITE
Let's get back to the reason we're all here in the first place: shaved. raccoons.
Opening up that text changed my life forever and NOT IN A GOOD WAY
Part of me wishes I didn't even write this post so we could all live with our healthy fear of normal raccoons
"Is ignorance really bliss?" - I ask myself
It's 'merika though, therefore you're free to stop at any point and spare yourself the horror that will proceed these words.
Seriously, there's still time to turn back.
I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU HERE, ABORT ABORT