There has been much debate about if the movie adaption of Fifty Shades of Grey would be as raunchy as the X-rated book, and when Jamie Dornan was cast, it seemed like things were looking up. But they didn't wait long to dash everyone's dreams by announcing that there wouldn't be any full frontal in the film — and possibly no sex at all. How is that possible?! Well, according to the actor, "You want to appeal to as wide an audience as possible without grossing them out. You don't want to make something gratuitous, and ugly, and graphic."
Urgh, whatever, Jamie. If Academy Award winner Ben Affleck can do it, so can you. Here are 19 excerpts from the book that show how obvious it seems that Jamie should just go full frontal — for the betterment of society, ya know?
1. "I am helpless, my hands pinned, my face held, and his hips restraining me... I feel his erection against my belly. Oh my... He wants me. Christian Grey, Greek god, wants me, and I want him, here... now, in the elevator."
2. "His hand flexes over my backside and squeezes gently. He holds me against his hips, and I feel his erection, which he languidly pushes into me."
3. "Suddenly, he sits up and tugs my panties off and throws them on the floor. Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free. Holy cow..."
4. "'I'm going to fuck you now, Miss Steele,' he murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of my sex. 'Hard,' he whispers, and he slams into me."
5. "His voice is intoxicating, his words heady, seductive. I feel his growing erection against my thigh."
6. "His growing erection presses against my behind. It's such a turn-on knowing that it's my body making him feel this way. Ha... not your mind. My subconscious sneers. I shake off the unwelcome thought."
7. "Oh! Turning to face him, I'm shocked to find he has his erection firmly in his grasp. My mouth drops open."
8. "It's so big and growing. His erection is above the water line, the water lapping at his hips."
9. "'Oh... baby... that feels good,'" he murmurs. I suck harder, flicking my tongue across the head of his impressive erection."
10. "Moving down, I push him into my mouth. He groans again. Ha! My inner goddess is thrilled. I can do this. I can fuck him with my mouth. I twirl my tongue around the tip again, and he flexes his hips. His eyes are open now, blistering with heat. His teeth are clenched as he flexes again, and I push him deeper into my mouth, supporting myself on his thighs. I feel his legs tense beneath my hands. He reaches up and grabs my pigtails and starts to really move."
11. "His erection tamed, but still substantial... wow."
12. "I can't help it. I grin, and he leans down to deliver another delicious mouthful. He shifts so he's lying beside me, his erection at my hip. Oh, I want him inside me."
13. "Oh... this is news... I can touch with clothes. He takes one of my hands and places it against his erection."
14. "I become aware of his erection against my hip. He notices my wide-eyed reaction, and he smiles a slow sexy smile."
15. "He pulls me against him, and his erection presses into my belly. I should run, but I can't. I'm drawn to him on some deep, elemental level, that I can't begin to understand."
16. "His eyes widen slightly, filled with wonder and lust. It's a heady mix. I swallow instinctively. His hand moves down to my behind. He pulls me sharply against him, and I can feel his erection."
17. "'You want it, you got it, baby,' he mutters, producing a foil packet from his pants pocket while he unzips his pants. Oh Mr. Boy Scout. He rolls the condom over his erection and gazes down at me."
18. "He groans, shifting me so I'm astride him, kneeling over him, his erection beneath me. He pulls back and looks at me, his eyes hooded, glowing and lustful."
19. "As soon as I'm out, he grabs me and holds me flush against his body. Suddenly his hand is in my hair, tugging it so my head tips back, and his other hand travels down to the base of my spine. He kisses me, long, hard, and passionately, his tongue in my mouth. His breathing is mounting, his ardor… Holy cow — his erection…"