How To Figure Out If She's Girlfriend Material

You need to make each other feel good. Not just like that. Pervert.

Make sure you've found a partner -- not a project.

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Maturity is a plus. But mismatched maturity might mean your materials don't mesh. If you're dating an older woman with the emotional maturity of Miley Cyrus, don't expect her to change. If she's just bein' Miley now, she'll be Miley later. And eventually, she will wreck your balls.

Ask the uncomfortable questions.

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You've got an unpopular opinion or two in your attic. Who doesn't? This is the person you're SUPPOSED to be able to share these bottled-up feelings with. Girlfriend material will hear you out, no matter their initial reaction.

Understand and respect her boundaries.

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Hopefully, she'll shut you down the moment you cross the line. Don't push it. Not everyone is an open-door pooper.

You're not afraid to stand up to her once in a while.

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Don't be a doormat. Vocalize your objections to situations without dwelling on disagreement. Avoid the urge to gloat with a finger wag. Express your feelings, and move on down the cereal aisle.

Ask her vich vun of these she prefers.

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A blank stare may indicate this particular material is a bit too young for you, bro.

And if you're thinking of the next step, heed the advice of this balding Buddha:

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"If you want to keep a love together," David Wilcox sings, "the best way is to end it now."

There's more to it than that. Just stop reading this and listen to the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2GopSqhXRc

Once you've cleared the air, you'll be a lot closer to knowing whether she's girlfriend material worth knitting.

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Happy knitting, friends.