1. Partake in "National Cheat Days", 'cause letting loose and eating junk food is OK.
2. Follow that with post-binge recovery seminars.
3. Then go to Ben Stiller-led aerobics classes.
4. GDP on the downturn? No lunch for America.
5. Participate in outdoor activities that are so fun, you don't even realize you exercised.
6. Keep America on its toes with an assortment of booby-traps.
7. Subsitute meals for ideals.
8. Engage in free boxing lessons that are run by George Bluth, Sr.
9. Divert funding from the War on Drugs, in favor of a War on Pez.
10. Forcibly remove extremely fit people from gyms for an hour each day, during which time the rest of us can go work out while hating ourselves less.
11. And if you want dairy, from now on you're processing it yourself.
12. Make less popular Olympic sports "hip" with the young people.
13. Don't be afraid to try CrossFit.
14. Encourage the formerly obese to inspire future success stories.
15. Join a community of supporters to help follow-through on your healthy resolutions.
16. Combine two sports into one, doubling metabolic output.
17. Seriously, don't be afraid to go outdoors.
18. If you start now, you're be on Tony Perkis' level by Labor Day:
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