1. Some girls wake up like
2. They feel all sappy because death is slowly approaching
3. But not me! 24 years young, holler!!
4. So I jump into the shower like
5. Curse my aging body and try to get dressed
6. But then realize I don’t care because it’s my birthday and I’m fabulous!
7. I decide to skip my morning AND afternoon workout, and I feel glorious
8. I check my phone, Facebook, Twitter and e-mail
and feel amazing because I have the best friends and family that make me feel so loved!
9. I expect to walk into work like
10. And all my coworkers will be like
11. But instead it’s like
for 8 hours…
12. And I start daydreaming about my delicious birthday dinner
13. And then Tweet about how I wish I had a bf on my bday
14. But then my best friend texts me and saves me from my agony
and reminds me we’re going out to celebrate!
15. And I remember my Grandma/Grandpa/Aunt/Uncle/Parents sent me a b-day card
filled with love, of course. Just love.
16. 5 o’clock finally rolls around
17. And I’m so excited to celebrate
18. Then my dad reminds me it’s a week night and I have work tomorrow
and I respond…
19. I continue to gorge myself
20. And then finally crawl into bed
filled with food, wine and love.
- Fyre Festival — organized by Ja Rule and billed as a luxury event — has turned into a total shitshow and people are livid 💸😱
- American Airlines gave workers a raise — to the highest pay in the industry — and Wall Street is furious. The company's stock has been falling since Thursday.
- The new leader of Marine Le Pen's National Front party in France has stepped down amid accusations of Holocaust denial.
- We found an average of about one false statement per day from Trump and his aides throughout the president's first 100 days in office 💯