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Posted on Dec 24, 2013

Why 2013 Was A Truly Terrifying Year For Mary-Kate Olsen

May you grow six inches in 2014.

This year was a scary year because Mary-Kate Olsen continued a relationship with a man 68 X her size, putting her tiny frame at risk of being crushed at any moment.

James Devaney / WireImage

Mary-Kate (yes, she's in this pic) was in grave danger of accidentally being stepped on many times throughout 2013.

Steffman-Turgeon / Splash News

Or being pushed down into the ground like a shell into the sand.

James Devaney / WireImage

Fact: She's 5'2" and he's 12'7" (a hazardous difference!).

Fameflynet Pictures

While it may seem he is "kissing" her, the sheer force of his gigantic body on hers could possibly make her crumble to the ground like a house of cards.

James Devaney / WireImage

IT WAS WORRISOME.

Fameflynet Pictures

Scared for her head.

Fameflynet Pictures

BECAUSE OH GOD IT'S GONE.

Fameflynet Pictures

And now he is using his giant powers to literally suck the life out of her.

Fameflynet Pictures

We prayed for her. And for her furry being.

James Devaney / WireImage

And it wasn't just his X-TREME size that could possibly endanger her, but witness how he farts in her face:

James Devaney / WireImage

And then pulls her in close to smell it.

This year he also tried to use his giant airhole to blow her over. AND WE SHOULD BE THANKFUL SHE DIDN'T FALL.

KCS / Splash News

BE SAFE, MK. We are here for you.

James Devaney / WireImage

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