FACT: It Takes Two is one of the greatest movies of all time.
Which is why when I saw this on Rotten Tomatoes dot com, my insides filled with rage.
That's an 8% on the tomatometer. AN 8%. Pardon my french but, c'est quoi ce bordel???
It's disgusting. It's horrendous. It's ABSURD and barbaric. It's plain old rude is what it is!! It deserves far more than a measly single digit percentage. Let me explain.
First let's get this out of the way. A young Steve Guttenberg in a tight wet shirt? Check please!
But obviously, that's not all.
Obviously Mary Kate and Ashley were tremendous in this film. Look how they pretend they've never seen each other. In real life they had known each other for nine years. That's good acting.
Also, this movie was filmed at the height of Kirstie Alley's popularity and DAMN SHE WAS GOOD. I wanted her to adopt me! That's worth another 15%.
It introduced us to one of the most iconic bitchy almost step-moms that there ever was, Clarice Kensington.
And gave us this line which is quoted over 18,000 times a day. It's a statistical fact, I read it in a book somewhere.
Remember when Alyssa stepped on her train and her butt was exposed to the entire church?? This moment alone deserves 20% tomatoes!
And the whole gum-in-the-hair sabotage thing was simply inspirational.
I had nightmares about this haircut for years. M. Night Shyamalan has never.
This movie made Sloppy Joes relevant again. I literally only ate sloppy joes for a year after this. No 8% movie has ever had an impact like that, which is why it is wrong.
The escargot scene? It's a classic. I give this scene a 97% just on its own.
And remember when Alyssa Calloway got adopted by the horrible Butkis family and then uttered those legendary words, "Leave me alone!?" Yeah, well I do. That scene should have been nominated for a Golden Globe. Or a Teen Choice Award at the least!!!
The point is, this movie shaped a generation!!!
And also, VINCENZO! A butler above all butlers. Any movie with Vincenzo is at least a 70% tamate!!!
Even though Mary-Kate and Ashley probably don't care at all about their 8% because they are too distracted by their pool full of 100 dollar bills, I CARE and they deserve better.
So yeah, I've decided that going forward, this is the new score and the only one that matters.
PUT 'ER THERE, SISTER.
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