Celebrity

A Long And Deeply Disturbing History Of Brad Pitt’s Transparent Sunglasses

It’s been 16 years of this travesty.

1. 1998:

Steve Granitz / WireImage

You can see a youthful Pitt’s soul through his eyes because you can see through the sunglasses, which lead to his eyes and then into his soul. On a scale from 1–Elton John, these rank a 7.

2. 2001:

Steve Granitz / WireImage

These aren’t transition lenses but THEY MAY AS WELL BE.

3. 2001:

Steve Granitz / WireImage

You know what these sunglasses won’t protect you from? THE SUN.

4. 2002:

Sebastian Artz / Getty Images

His life was in sepia / He lived in a filter / Without his glasses / His life would be off-kilter.

5. 2002:

Steve Granitz / WireImage

“I know what we’ll do. Instead of the sunglasses just being completely transparent, let’s make the lenses purple! it will be beautiful! I’m going to look great!” —Brad Pitt under the influence of witchcraft

6. 2002:

Steve Granitz / WireImage

:( :( :( :( ~scary~ :( :(

7. 2003:

Jon Kopaloff / Getty Images

The tint was too dark he thought
He wanted the tint to be light
Unfortunately for him
He was not right.

8. 2004:

Koichi Kamoshida / Getty Images

:( :( :( ~frightful~ :( :( :(

9. 2005:

Koichi Kamoshida / Getty Images

“PURPLE WAS GOOD, BUT LET’S TRY BLUE THIS TIME.”

10. 2006:

George Pimentel / WireImage

“Look at me. Look at my eyeballs, I don’t even need to remove my glasses. It’s magic and style all rolled into one.”

11. 2008:

Steve Granitz / WireImage

“I can’t believe I’ve been rocking this look for 10 years and / It still looks great / I’m great / Nothing is bad.”

12. 2009:

Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

2009 was a turning point. Did Brad realize that it was OK that we didn’t see his eyes completely? Was he a changed man???????? WAS HE NOW?

13. 2009:

Jim Spellman / Getty Images

NO SRY. SPOKE TOO SOON.

14. 2011:

Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

Things only got worse. Global warming was getting serious. Conflicts were rising. The ozone layer was thinning. Our fossil fuels were depleting. Brad’s glasses were getting see-through-ier.

15. 2011:

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

Psalm 69: And he shall wear his glasses. And they shall be light as to see through the dark. And when he wears them his eyes will glisten. And he will guide those who have darker lenses and cannot see.

16. 2011:

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

I AM THE TINT MAN. I AM HERE TO HYPNOTIZE YOU WITH MY FAIR TINT.

17. 2011:

Han Myung-Gu / WireImage

*Brad smizes and nothing stops his smize from being seen around the world. He checks his phone a minute later and sees a text from Tyra Banks: “Good job, but you could do better.”*

18. 2012:

Jeff Vespa / WireImage

Brad has not stopped thinking about the text from Tyra Banks in a year. He knows he has to prove himself. He checks his phone after the event. Tyra has texted. “You’ve done well,” it says. He sighs in relief.

19. 2014:

Nate Beckett / Splash News

Sixteen years have passed and yet everything remains the same. Brad’s oculi sparkle behind his fading lenses. You can hear them speaking. They say: “We will never hide behind dark glasses. Try to hide us and you die.”

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