Celebrity

A Long And Deeply Disturbing History Of Brad Pitt's Transparent Sunglasses

It's been 16 years of this travesty.

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1998:

Steve Granitz / WireImage

You can see a youthful Pitt's soul through his eyes because you can see through the sunglasses, which lead to his eyes and then into his soul. On a scale from 1–Elton John, these rank a 7.

2002:

Steve Granitz / WireImage

"I know what we'll do. Instead of the sunglasses just being completely transparent, let's make the lenses purple! it will be beautiful! I'm going to look great!" —Brad Pitt under the influence of witchcraft

2009:

Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

2009 was a turning point. Did Brad realize that it was OK that we didn't see his eyes completely? Was he a changed man???????? WAS HE NOW?

2011:

Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

Things only got worse. Global warming was getting serious. Conflicts were rising. The ozone layer was thinning. Our fossil fuels were depleting. Brad's glasses were getting see-through-ier.

2011:

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

Psalm 69: And he shall wear his glasses. And they shall be light as to see through the dark. And when he wears them his eyes will glisten. And he will guide those who have darker lenses and cannot see.

2011:

Han Myung-Gu / WireImage

*Brad smizes and nothing stops his smize from being seen around the world. He checks his phone a minute later and sees a text from Tyra Banks: "Good job, but you could do better."*

2012:

Jeff Vespa / WireImage

Brad has not stopped thinking about the text from Tyra Banks in a year. He knows he has to prove himself. He checks his phone after the event. Tyra has texted. "You've done well," it says. He sighs in relief.

2014:

Nate Beckett / Splash News

Sixteen years have passed and yet everything remains the same. Brad's oculi sparkle behind his fading lenses. You can hear them speaking. They say: "We will never hide behind dark glasses. Try to hide us and you die."

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