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39 Things We've Learned From Our Friendship With Andrzej And Rachael

Hurrah for Anglo-Polish relations!

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1. First up, they make a lovely couple

2. They're always up for an exciting adventure

3. Seeking out curious new lands

4. They're adherents to the old adage "the bleaker the surroundings, the better the holiday home"

5. Because there are few more breathtaking backdrops to a staycation than a power station

6. Or a desolate shingle beach

7. Though sometimes such extreme beauty is too much to bear

8. Although they're in their 30s, they'll always hunt down the wildest parties

9. In the remotest of locations

10. Yes, if there's an edgy soiree happening then they'll know about it

11. Andrzej knows how to treat his missus to a romantic daytrip

12. And is a reliable guide to heart-stopping performance art shows

13. Rachael's insomnia is useful for completing jigsaws featuring disgraced television personalities

14. They also love a good board game, especially international board games with substance

15. They're very much a nature-loving couple. Holidays should involve, where possible, Shetland ponies...

16. ...puffins

17. And the end of a holiday is best commemorated with alpacas

18. Rachael has a keen eye for antiques shop treasures

19. Though is equally adept at finding weird shit on beaches

20. Or just on the ground generally

21. Trains are more fun when they're really small

22. You'll never dine as well as you do when you are out with them

23. Though don't ask Andrzej to cook breakfast for 9 people

24. Or order the Northlink 'house' wine

25. Which is certainly not improved by several whiskey chasers

26. They'll always happily go in strong on the first night

27. Even if we all massively regret it the next day

28. The passage of time takes on a special, glacial pace in Lerwick

29. Unless you can find a hotel room to while away the hours. Or one of its thrilling tourist activities

30. Dry gardens are limited in their potential for botanic beauty

31. If you hang out with them you'll inevitably find some abandoned gloves in sinister arrangements

32. Or come across some politically incorrect 'nostalgia'

33. If you go yomping with Andrzej you'll take in some pretty spectacular sights

34. Though you should never yomp through the breeding ground of a bonxie

35. Alain de Botton does a bloody lovely holiday home

Though while he knows his stuff about architecture he knows shit all about sensible plumbing

Though while he knows his stuff about architecture he knows shit all about sensible plumbing

36. And a grand time is always had by all

37. But one thing that we've learned above all is that they love each other very much

38. So we're really happy they got married

39. And we hope that they're this happy forever

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