1.Americans should not be allowed near food because they do things like this.
2.Honestly, this is just gross.
3.These are things that should really, really not exist.
4.Why, oh why, are you deep-frying butter?
5.I understand the appeal of deep-frying things. Fried batter is great! But there can be no justification for deep-frying sugar cubes.
6.Or deep-fried bubblegum.
7.Corn dogs just seem to be confusing. Is it a sausage? In cake? Are you people putting cake around a sausage? Where does the corn come in?
8.Nothing here is OK.
9.Everything in this sounds nice, but as a whole, what the hell is even happening here?
11.Only a seriously depraved society could come up with Koolickles. Oh yes, that is Kool-Aid-soaked pickles. Pickles, brined in Kool-Aid.
12.It is strange to put marshmallows on potato.
13.Pizza and burgers are different things. Why would you combine them?
14.This is chili and cheese on spaghetti? Spaghetti and chili. What.
15.Only America would come up with a doughnut burger.
16.The KFC Double Down. Don't make me explain why a sandwich that uses fried chicken instead of bread is a bad idea.
17.Why are snow cones a thing? THEY'RE JUST ICE. JUST LITTLE BITS OF ICE.
18.Jerky makes no sense. OK, maybe if you were a cowboy it made sense, but it's 2016. We sent a probe to Pluto, so why are you chewing on desiccated meat?
19.Honestly, chicken and waffles seems weird. But cultural differences – sure, why not? But this is not an OK thing to flavour stuff with.
20.This is a brick. Of fried food. In no world should a "brick" be an acceptable way of serving something.
21.Same goes for meatloaf. A loaf is not an appropriate way to serve meat.
22.Americans shouldn't do things with food because they end up with this sort of hellaciously unsafe things. Just, y'know, eat the fries, then drive. Or drive, then eat the fries. Why must you do both at the same time?
23.This is a peanut butter and jelly drink. Now, sure, peanut butter and jelly is a very American thing that has never really caught on elsewhere. That's fine, it happens! But a drink?
24.I don't even know what's actually in this. It's butter-flavoured butter that actually has no butter?
25.How on earth can you flavour a condiment with a different condiment?
26.Cheese is not a liquid!
27.Cheese should not be sprayed. A country that doesn't understand the concept of cheese should not be allowed nuclear weapons, let's be honest.