back to top

I Can't Stop Thinking About This Absurdly Hipster Sink

This takes hipster restaurants to a whole new level.

Posted on

In 2016, we know that all of our favourite places are using a critical mass of what might be referred to as "hipster shit". Some of it is even nice, like these lights.

instagram.com

Sure, they're basically a bit pointless, and if you worked here you'd never be able to replace one when it blew 10 minutes into your shift – you can't generally get custom squirrel cage filament bulbs at the corner shop for 50p (or three for a pound). But they do add some aesthetic joy, and since you're trying to interrupt the drudgery of your life by going out to have fun, it's probably a good thing everywhere isn't a brutalist wonderland of concrete walls and straight-backed chairs and PVC windows.

But it's also possible that we've gone too far, because we are at the point where there are multiple ways to eat spaghetti bolognese wrong.

Twitter: @benhowell123 / Twitter: @rocketandsquash

Now, both these pictures are from the same place, a year apart, and by most accounts the food is delicious! Which makes the entire thing so much more frustrating – because this way of eating is ruining it. The end of the spaghetti is going to be impossibly dry.

It also means that at some point, this restaurant started to think that maybe putting it all in one jar was a mistake, but rather than adopting, y'know, a plate or a bowl or any of the other things that humanity has carefully designed for exactly this purpose over millennia, they just switched to more jars. It might help the dryness issue, but this place REALLY hates its kitchen porters, apparently.

And that's still nothing compared to some of the travesties allowed to happen, like this flowerpot, artfully spilled across a wooden board that you can just tell is soaking up all the dressing. Dressing that someone probably worked hard on, at some point.

Twitter: @VSmaz

Annoying to carry, confusing to eat, and more or less impossible to clean to the level of hygiene you would really hope for, since this looks untreated and therefore not really possible to put in a dishwasher!

Then there are masterpieces of hipsterification, like this Dyson Airblade, cunningly aged to look as though this 2006 invention came from a century ago. It's the bathroom appliance equivalent of those people who self-consciously wear flashy historical clothing in place of a personality.

Sophie Gadd / BuzzFeed

It's in the bathroom as well, so it's not even adding to the atmosphere. The bathroom is last place you want atmosphere, especially if that atmosphere is "dysentery".

Advertisement

However, after all that, here is something so gloriously hipster, so magnificent in its absurdity that it throws all that came before it into shade. This is the original, the ur-hipster-restaurant-thing, the alpha and the omega of hipster-restaurant-things.

Advertisement

Why would anyone turn an oven into a sink?

It doesn't seem to really adhere to any of the rules of 2016 hipster design. It recalls 2009, not 1909. There's no nostalgic value involved in the sourcing of this very, very normal oven, and it wouldn't break the mystique of the bar to have a normal sink, for it is in a fairly normal bar. No compelling aesthetic atmosphere is being built in the bathroom either, since the only ambience this suggests is of a fairly economically constructed kitchen. So why would anyone turn an oven into a sink?

Some thoughts – this tap is brand-new.

Luke Bailey / BuzzFeed

That means after they already had the oven that they had decided to turn into a sink, they went out and bought a brand new tap, and then plumbed their new tap into the OVEN, probably with some new pipes they would have had to buy as well, possibly at the same place. I know this seems obvious, I'm just struggling with the fact that at no point during this convoluted process did anyone say "Hmm, maybe let's just buy a fucking sink?"

Then there's the actual sink itself, which is a iron pot with a hole drilled in the base of it. At least, I assume it was a drill with one of those holesaw bits on, but based on this place, it could also have been a hammer, or a blowtorch, or a branch from a boabab tree repeatedly rammed into it.

Luke Bailey / BuzzFeed

Not that there's even a plug to use in it. The whole sink is a mess - it's high, because it's a pot not a fucking sink, it's narrow, it has a tap hanging over it and it's a foot and a half away from you. It's like trying to wash your hands in, well, in a fucking pot that's a foot and a half way from you and too high.

And it's a waste of a good pot.

And yet it starts making even less sense, because the hand-drying towel bin is also on the oven, but this is recessed into the top of the oven...so why not drop the sink down as well? Why not have the sink recessed like the bin is? Or, even crazier, putting the sink where the bin is at the front so you can actually reach it?

Luke Bailey / BuzzFeed

Leaving aside the questionable hygiene of having a bin that close to the sink, this fact that the bin is included in the oven at all just confirms the central issue.

Now, I have been in this bathroom. The reason a chunk of the top of this oven has been cut out, along with a large part of the inside of the oven (the really hard to remove bit, with cables, supports and elements) is because this bathroom is incredibly small, and the sink has to be slotted in very small space, between just two cubicles being used for everyone. The space is very small. So small that it can only just fit the oven that has been converted into a sink, and therefore the bin has to be also placed in the oven.

So when presented with this - again I must stress, very small - space, someone, somewhere said "Yeah, we should probably put an oven in there."

"An oven? Why would we put an oven in there? It's barely big enough for an oven," I desperately hope someone replied, because I desperately hope someone involved in this realised that putting an oven in the bathroom was a really weird thing to do. "What we need is a sink," I hope they continued.

And then, the original person took a long pause (also, I assume this person looks like Super Hans), looked at the space, just big enough for an oven, and back at their friend, looked back again at the oven-sized space where a sink needed to go, and said "We'll put a sink in the oven."

"But where will the bin go?"

"..."

"..."

"That can go in the oven too."