1. You will never stop sweating.
It will ooze all over your body like fried chicken grease. Only saltier.
3. The streets all smell like hot trash and stale urine.
And it never goes away.
9. Everyone else is happy, so they expect YOU to be happy.
Despite all the pain summer causes.
10. People suddenly becomes obsessed with ‘activities,’ and ‘doing things.’
11. And being outside, where there’s ‘fresh air’ and other such nonsense.
12. If you do go outside, nature just falls in your beer.
This is why the outdoors is over-rated.
13. Going where there is a crowd is an exercise in masochism.
Everything is sweat. Everyone is sweat. Sweat.
14. The allegedly fun idea of music festivals is flawed due to the inability to hear, y’know, THE MUSIC.
But tents are so fun! No, wait the other one. Terrible. Tents are terrible.
16. Any bar that serves Pimms immediately cranks the price up.
I don’t even really like Pimms.