36 Totally Reasonable, Not At All Disgusting, Ways To Keep Cool In The Office
These are all fine things for an adult to do at work. Honest.
1. Place your chair by the communal fridge, and rest your naked feet on the shelves.
2. Enjoy the chill on your sweaty toes.
3. Remove an ice cold drink from the fridge and hold it to your groin area.
4. Maybe actually drop it inside your clothing.
5. Move it around a bit, making sure you've got every single spot.
6. Return the drink to the fridge.
7. Find the air-conditioning vent, and position yourself above it.
8. Allow the cool breeze to make its way up your body and broadcast your charming scent to the wider world.
9. Lie on the vent.
10. Keep all the air for yourself.
11. Press your face on the cool window of the tube.
12. Wipe it down the cool metal pole in the middle.
13. After work, order two chilled bottled beers at the bar, one to drink, one to wipe on your belly.
14. Or, in an emergency, use someone else's.
15. Wipe the refreshing condensation across your skin.
16. Walk around the office in shorts.
17. Walk around the office without shoes.
18. Walk around the office without a shirt.
19. Walk around the office in your underwear.
20. Walk around the office entirely naked, stopping only to occasionally prop one foot up on a desk as you condescend to an underling.
21. Put your face close to a large fan.
22. Right next to it.
23. Moan in pleasure.
24. Find someone enjoying an iced drink and dip your fingers in it.
25. Leave them there, savouring the cooling effects.
26. Make eye contact with the owner of the drink.
27. Remove your fingers and slowly lick the icy drink off, still while making eye contact.
28. Put them back in the drink.
29. Then take some of the ice out of the drink and rub it on those parts of your body that are warm.
30. Return the ice to the drink.
31. Find a fan, and aim it directly at your own sweat soaked armpits.
32. Like, pull out the neck of your shirt a bit and direct it straight down there.
33. Or up from below. Through the armhole. That works too.
34. Buy a nice, frozen ice lolly.
35. Insert it into your rectum.
36. Enjoy the pleasurable sensation as it cools you from the inside.