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16 Serious Questions That Arise When You're English But You Don't Drink Tea

What's wrong with me?

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1. Did someone just offer me tea?

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2. Is it weird to ask for water instead?

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3. I mean, it's less work surely?

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Tea is what, five different things? That's basically a full meal!

4. Is everyone looking at me strangely now?

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5. What if someone asks me for tea?

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I don't have anything vaguely tea related. I'm not even sure if I have a kettle.

6. Milk... goes in first? Second?

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Based on your expression, definitely second.

7. How does everyone just know how to do this?

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8. Was there a class I missed about making tea?

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Maybe the pack came by post and I missed it. Probably that.

9. What is so wrong about microwaving tea?

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It makes it warm again!

10. Should I apologise? I should probably apologise.

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11. Why couldn't I just like tea?

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12. Maybe ice tea? It's not real tea?

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No. Not ice tea. That is not better.

13. Is there anyone else in this country who doesn't drink tea?

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14. Seriously, someone else must not like tea?

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15. Am I normal? Is there a group I should join?


Some sort of non-tea drinker's anonymous, perhaps

16. Am I even really English?