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America, Britain Needs To Talk To You About Biscuits And Gravy

You are screwing up this language in a disgusting way.

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THESE are biscuits. Small, hard baked goods. They're excellent with tea, which you'd know if you hadn't thrown it all away a few centuries ago.

America, on the other hand, would call this a "cookie," which, I think you will find, is actually an English cricket player.

See, one is a small, flat, baked treat, the other is Alistair Cook, who once scored 294 in a test match against India.

And it gets worse, because you have biscuits and gravy. That is a thing that sounds completely insane to every British person. See, this is what you think gravy is.

Stephanie Frey / Getty Images

Whatever the hell that white crap is, it is not gravy.

So biscuits and gravy would be meat sauce, a thick brown sauce derived from stock and onions and meat, drizzled liberally over some jammie dodgers and pink wafers.

This is what goes through a British person's head when you say biscuits and gravy. This. This abomination.

This language has been screwed up so badly, we need a reverse Tea Party, except we'll throw Bisto and a bunch of OXO cubes into the harbour.

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