1. The whole concept of split shifts makes you very angry.
2. But somehow, you work six days a week, because shift work is terrible.
3. You know that if a customer snaps their fingers at you, you are legally allowed to take their shoes, and set them on fire.
4. Contactless card technology is basically magic and it's amazing.
5. Almost every branded pint glass is either too wide, too tall, or too stupid to be useful.
6. You know that if you take care of the kitchen staff, they'll take care of you.
7. But that if the kitchen staff are going under, you just need to keep your head down.
8. You know every place in town that's open early in the morning.
9. Good regulars are intermittently your friends, your co-workers, your bouncers, and complete fucking liabilities.
10. You know people who can get you absolutely anything.
11. You're aware that most of the spirit bottles behind the bar haven't been opened since the last time everyone had a lock-in, and the beer ran out.
12. When you're at a different bar, you always end up ordering because you can remember the complete order.
13. You can use this.
14. You firmly believe in the paramount importance of the soda gun.
15. You know that the till being over is more suspicious than the register being under.
16. You know what the word "ullage" means.
17. And more importantly, how to correctly report ullage.
18. Every time you see a pint of Snakebite, you start thinking about your exit strategy in the fight.
19. Anyone who asks for a "strong" drink will result in a perfectly measured to be slightly smaller than usual drink.
20. The importance of line cleaning is only matched by the annoyance of actually doing it.
21. But at least once a week someone will take a sip of beer and cast aspersions on your line-cleaning ability.
22. You immediately dismiss any guy who orders moscato as an idiot.
23. You loathe anyone who finishes an order with "...and a Guinness."
24. Glass washing machines are the single best way to immediately become hot and sweaty.
25. Anyone who destroys beermats and leaves tiny pieces all over the floor is not a viable member of society.
26. The only true way to measure the quality of an ale is by how quickly it runs out.
27. The worst possible thing to be doing at midnight is cleaning the bar. And yet you always are.
28. If you can be calm when the bar is busy, you can be calm through anything.
