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81 Thoughts Everyone Has When Desperately Trying To Fall Asleep

If I go to sleep now, I'll get 5 hours of sleep.

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1. I'm so tired.

2. Can't wait to sleep.

3. Wait, why am I not sleeping? I should be sleeping.

4. I'm suddenly really awake.

5. I'm SO awake.

6. I've never been more awake.

7. I could do a Triathalon right now.

8. OK, it's fine, I have like eight and half hours before I need to get up. This is fine.

9. I'll just check my phone.

10. I'll just scroll Instagram for a bit.

11. And Twitter.

12. And Facebook. .

13. Man, nothing's happening.

14. Because everyone is asleep, you fuckwit.

15. If I go to sleep now I'll get eight hours. That's plenty.

16. I'm still really awake.

17. I could probably drink some alcohol, that would work.

18. But also, I'm pretty sure would mean I had a ~problem~

19. Maybe I should watch some TV?

20. I'm up anyway, I'll use this time to catch up on some TV.

21. Well, that was an exciting episode. I'm even more awake.

22. Fuck.

23. If I go to sleep now, I'll get seven hours of sleep.

24. Maybe I should watch a boring show.

25. Like, I'll be so bored my brain will switch off through self-preservation.

26. Ooh, a documentary about the development of canals in Britain. Perfect.

27. Wait, this is really interesting.

28. FUCK, why are canals so interesting?

29. If I go to sleep now, I'll get six hours of sleep.

30. I'm going to lie here in the dark.

31. Silently.

32. I am pretending to be asleep.

33. This is me sleeping.

34. I think I can see the inside of my eyelids.


36. FUCK IT.

37. If I go to sleep now, I'll get five hours of sleep.

38. I'm going to have like a bunch of whisky.

39. This isn't a problem, it's just a practical solution.

40. Wait, what, if I'm still drunk when I wake up?

41. That'd be weird.

42. I'm so tired and I'm so awake.

43. You know, I bet it's all the noise.

44. I mean, I can't hear any noise, but I bet my subconscious is hearing it.

45. It's arriving in my brain without going through my ears, that's what's happening.

46. Stupid silent noise keeping me awake.

47. It's almost 3am.

48. Any minute now the birds are going to start talking shit to each other and then I'll never be able to sleep.

49. I should check my phone again.

50. Obviously no one is online. Why would they be.

51. If I go to sleep now I'll get three hours of sleep.

52. I am so screwed tomorrow.

53. If I look at my email, I'll have a better idea what I have to do tomorrow.

54. What if I did my work now?

55. I could do my work, then be tired when I didn't have to do it. 'Cause I've already done it.

56. I could draft some emails, then hit send first thing!

57. I'll look so efficient.

58. This is in no way a terrible idea.

59. I am working now. Look at my excellent work.

60. I spelt my own name wrong.

61. Maybe this wasn't good.

62. Oh, and I just actually sent that one at 4 in the morning. Now I look like a terrifying workaholic.

63. The birds have started.


65. If I go to sleep now I'll get two hours of sleep.

66. Maybe one more episode of the canal documentary.

67. Actually, I think I'm drifting off now!


69. I got too excited and woke myself up again.

70. Fuck.

71. If I go to sleep now I'll get one hours of sleep.

72. Is there any point.

73. Yes, just drift off. Be sleepy.

74. You are ~sleepy~

75. Can I hypnotise myself?

76. I shouldn't hypnotise myself.

77. Urgh I need sleep.

78. Sleep.

79. Must sleep.

80. Sleeee...

81. Is that my alarm?


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