1.
"CAN I MAIL A BEE" "Oh my god, NO." "CAN I MAIL NINE BEES" "Ugh. FINE."
2.
Who blons a dumb de now, eh? WHO BLONS A DUMB DE NOW?
3.
Let's just take a moment to remember the worst phishing attempt I have ever encountered.
4.
I'm just siting here minding my own business and I look down at my wrist and see this
5.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
6.
So my great grandpa turned 100 and this is what they got him
7.
FUN PRANK: Leave a falcon to someone in your will, you never had a falcon, but everyone will be like "where the fuck is the falcon?"
8.
when u know the solutions to all ur problems but u just don't wanna do em
9.
long legged spider: hey scientist: daddy long legged spider: what the fuck
10.
the best thing about my mum finally getting a decent phone is her fangirling over my dad on snapchat like a teenager
11.
UNLIMITED POWER
12.
WIFE: Your life as a YouTube star is tearing us apart ME: What makes you say that? Let me know in the comments
13.
she's done the thing where you tell everyone a theme for your party and then wear the opposite for max. attention ✨
14.
Whoever wrote Earth, pretty convenient world-building. The inhabitants need water to live so it just, like, falls from the sky? Ok
15.
imagine being this cool
16.
Me: could i have a pepsi Waiter: is pepsi ok- OMG *eyes getting watery* finally Me: *smiling through tears* yeah *we kiss*
17.
Oh my god. "It's a straight bee"
18.
you can't believe it's not butter? buddy, almost everything is not butter
19.
"ICHIBAN"
20.
You (hasn't seen Ratatouille): gross get this rat outta here Me (smart, has seen Ratatouille): now wait just a minute
21.
This entire time she thought I was painting a sunset